What kind of dingus clones a bounty hunter a couple million times to orchestrate a war you play both sides in, then make those clones turn on the Jedi and almost wipe them out? Sheev Palpatine, that jerk. Talk about elaborate.
It'd be so much easier to just get an army of individual Sith to do a frontwards assault.
Speaking of individual Sith, the rule of two is stupid. Thousands of Jedi compared to two Sith? Those are not fair odds, Darth Bane. I could lecture for hours on how better of an overlord I'd be. Sure, Sith are powerful even without an army, but there are power in numbers, such that the Jedi have.
Call me hypocritical, but I'd like to rule the Galaxy and reestablish the Sith Empire.
And I'm gonna do just that.
I've been rambling nonstop about my Super Evil Plan ™️, but I think it's about time you get a picture of who's orchestrating this chaos better than Palpatine ever could.
Picture this: a 5'3 Mandalorian soldier trainee who just entered the world of early adulthood and is definitely prepared for it. Yeah, with the cool teal-colored helmet and epic shoulder armor. Don't forget the traditional hooded dark grey robe, to sell of the whole "I have aSuper Evil Plan ™️" look. Oh, and combat boots. I got those from my father. He's a pretty based fella. And fingerless gloves just because fashion haas never mattered to me, and the most intimidating look is one that is in direct violation of your opponent's eyes.
When I'm not hanging out with my super awesome very gender brother, helping my father patrol our city's perimeter, or helping my mama with her tubular senator work, people can usually find me listening to the latest blues tunes. Belton' Johnson Cash, King, The Roaches, and Starry Hall, Apple Angel, all those guys. And don't forget Nabooian pop-music singer and actress BOREALIS.
...Kriff, I caught myself rambling again. That's gonna happen a lot. Might as well go along with it.
I'd say my favorite movie is BearRunners, produced by Cartoon Maroon. It's the third in the Mandalore Folklore Trilogy. It's preceded by Rhythm of the Waves and Secret of the Bells. As for books, my father got me hooked on one series called Xanctuary, about a more magical Mandalore with fairy tail creatures and blatant, in-your-face misogyny. To be fair, it was written during the Clone Wars, so a lot could fly by then.
Speaking of flying, have I written that my father flies an X-wing that was used by the Rebellion during the Galactic Civil War? No, I haven't. That's why I'm telling it now. And, yes, that's right: the Rebellion. The one that Luke Skywalker was in. One of the few Jedi I respect, actually. Who am I kidding, I've never met any Jedi! I'm just judging a dead man based off his morals. His dad was, what, Darth freaking Vader? And he still managed to free him from his toxic apprenticeship with Palpatine? Based. Slay. You ate it up girlypop.
(Author's note: that last sentence pained me to write it as much as it pained you to read it.)
Anyway, I'm gonna need about another week of planning my Super Evil Plan ™️ before I venture to Korriban, homeworld of the Sith species and sanctuary of the dark side. Who knows, maybe I'll tame a rancor there if I get lucky.
YOU ARE READING
All Natural, Baby (Star Wars)
FanfictionTwo years after the cloned Palpatine's defeat, a new dark-sider has decided to bring their own version of balance to the force. (Cover art by me) (DISCONTINUED)
