Poetry is going to be a new section of this book so yeah all vent chapters with have a "⚠️vent poetry ⚠️" in the title
Poetry type: free verse
⚠️warning eating disorder and body image issues gender dysphoria ⚠️
I watch in disgust as I remove my own clothes.
There is so much I wish I could change.
But never know the right words to describe the disgust.
Disgusted with this meat sack of a body, hell doesn't even look like a body, maybe if you squint.
I can even put it together that it's mine.
It feels so foreign so wrong, meanwhile I've never known anything else.
I can feel the hunger in my stomach and I know I won't last all day.
Eventually I will eat and it will go away.
I stare in a reflection that feels so disconnected to me it's unreal.
Is this really what people see.
The curvature of my hips so feminine, my shadow.
My stomach.
I don't even know if that's what I hate.
What if I hate all of it?
I look at what anyone else would assume to be scarring.
I examine my hips.
Seven deadly sins my dear.
I look over the and touch the lightning patterned bumps.
How could anyone ever find this beautiful?
Why do I even care, I don't love that way him as much I force myself to.
Because maybe if I do the craving of romance might stop, maybe the voices might stop.
Will I ever matter to anyone important?
Most likely never.
Maybe something good for once might happen.
Oh my dear, what's the red shadow?
Tears form as I lift my stomach realizing it's another mark.
Fuck.
Maybe if I love an artist, you could paint over me and make me into something useful.
Sometimes I think maybe I should just pretend I'm her again.
But even with twenty pounds of makeup I will never love it.
Why?
What is wrong with me?
Why can't I just be fucking normal?
The tears fall.
I tried to rearrange my chest as if I sculpt it like clay maybe the bad would go away.
I just want to go away.
I manage clothes on and my phone goes off.
And I smile.
Thank you for always being there you all know who you are.
Even through the ups and downs you lovely people care and that, that means everything to me.
I love you all so much <3
Yours, Angel
