It was a house party full of festivities, cheer and laughter. The whole town had been blanketed from snow that had been falling all day, which I found to be quite lucky. The last two years, we didn't get a white Christmas and the second everyone woke up to a charming snowfall this morning, it was something of a Christmas miracle.
Nothing was better than snow on Christmas morning. But, I'm missing something. I'm missing someone.
I walked through the hallway and pulled my phone out from my pocket, hoping to finally see his name light up under my new notifications and maybe he'll wish me a Merry Christmas back. Or maybe tell me that it doesn't feel right in his heart to watch Love, Actually on Christmas day without me. That's been our holiday tradition every year since we've been together. Love, Actually was one of Harry's favorite films of all time.
But after approximately six hours from the last message I sent him, he hasn't responded. He hadn't even looked at it. I reread the words I typed out to him, scanning every letter and reviewing it all to myself. Maybe I said something wrong?
'Merry Christmas, Sweets. I know it's been a while since we've gotten the chance to talk and I know you've been busy but I just wanted to tell you that I miss you a whole lot. I wish you could be with me this year for Christmas or I was there with you. It's the only gift I could ever want. I love you so much.'
I leaned against the railing of the staircase that was decorated with red and green garland, sighing as the feeling of confusion and disappointment washed over me. Harry has never gone for more than a day or two without talking to me (due to the fact that he was always on a busy schedule). I haven't heard from him since late August of this past summer while he was on the press tour for Don't Worry Darling.
The sound of my family's distant chatter and laughter, along with Wham!'s 'Last Christmas' spilling from the Sonos speakers in our living room was something that I have been trying to focus on the entire night. But I could not stop thinking and worrying about everything that's been happening.
To get away from the festive atmosphere around me, I walked upstairs to my room and closed the door behind me. The music and the sound of everyone spreading holiday cheer muffled once I had locked myself up in my own space. I sat on the edge of my cold bed, taking my phone out once again and hoped that the other two most reliable people in my life would pick up my call. I needed someone. I needed my best friends.
"Hey, it's Cassie! Sorry I missed your call. Drop me a message and I'll get back to you when I'm back on the saddle. Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal! Bye now!"
I frowned once the tone from Cassie's voicemail went off and I instantly hung up. Anxiously, I try to ring Niall. Perhaps they were on a romantic holiday getaway in Spain or somewhere on the map and were too busy to pick up. I haven't heard from either of them for the longest time, too. I hope they were alright.
"I'm sorry. The number you have reached is not in service or temporarily disconnected."
Seconds later after I spent a couple of minutes trying to figure out what to do and wondering what the hell was happening to our little circle, I glanced over at my study desk where there was a framed photo of the four of us backstage at One Direction's last show with Zayn in China. My chest felt tight and my mind froze at the realization that the four of us didn't exist anymore.
It had been months since we were all in touch and here I was, expecting that our friendship was still perfectly intact. But it's not and I was too blinded and naive to realize it until tonight.
It blew my mind and confused the absolute hell out of me how you can go from making friends who became family and fall in love with someone and then they'd all just disappear out of the blue with no heads up and no goodbye.
Suddenly, my phone vibrated and in that very brief moment, I had such high hopes that it could be one of the three people I needed the most right now, especially Harry. It was a new text message notification.
Mom Where are you? You have one more present to open from your aunt Gwen!
I rolled my eyes and tried my hardest not to break down and cry right now. I tossed my phone on the bedside table and buried my face in my hands, eventually running my fingers through my hair in a frustrated manner. No matter how hard I tried not to cry or remind myself of what's been running through my head, I couldn't do it.
"God, you're a trainwreck.." I muttered to myself, wiping away a trickling tear from my cheek and I grabbed a hold of my phone again. I pulled up Harry's contact and with hesitation at first, I hit 'delete contact'.
If he wanted to be gone from my life, he might as well be gone from my contacts too.
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