Entangled Feelings

Beach, calm and wedding dress: Alex Warren

Calmness.

Calmness was something I intensely craved after a tiring day. Silence in my office was too loud to be considered as what it was. I needed to get out and so I did, and now I stood in front of her apartment on the opposite street. My mind was clouded in the ways I could approach her. Should I hold the flowers in my hand? No, too cheesy. Should I greet her? Good evening? Hey Carene! How was your day? I closed my eyes while Brian texted me tips to approach her, all of it too much... as you can say, too much like Brian. Something if I do, I'd be embarrassed for the rest of my life. Well, probably. 

A sudden sense of presence had me look up from Brian's bullshit to the elegance that I had been seeing from the past few days. Carene Samahaulder was never below perfect, no matter what she wore. I realized my position and darted my hand up before I could let her cross the street. The bare minimum I can do is... yes. Before I knew it, I was in front of her. 

"Carene." That was the only thing that came out of my mouth and there goes the perfect smile of this woman.

"Alex." Damn. I nodded and gulped, hoping she won't notice and looked around the street before tracing back the path with her. I opened the door and waited till she was settled then unconsciously buckled her seat belt. She definitely said something but my mind was too occupied with her. 

Getting back in my place, my mind reminded me of the bouquet I had bought for her and I handed it over to her. "I don't really know if you like red roses, but I thought they'd suit you." That wasn't a lie. They suited her more than it'll ever suit anyone else. 

"Thank you... I like roses." I heard her say, watching a smile break out on her face. "I appreciate." I felt like I might have stared too long at her. Darting my head forward, I hummed as a response and turned the engine on with trembling hands before loosening my tie a little to breathe. 

The whole ride was silent. I caught a glimpse of her, she had a faint smile on her face while she looked outside watching the city. I felt a weird feeling creeping up in my stomach as I rubbed my chest and cleared my throat. 

When we had arrived at the private booking, I walked over to the reception with her by my side. "Alex Warren." I spoke and the receptionist guided us to our seating. A beachside restaurant in late evening. I felt a slight bit guilty of not bringing her here an hour or two earlier, we could have watched the sunset. Nonetheless, shrugging off the thought I looked at Carene. She quietly watched the waves hit the shore and took in the beauty of the sea. I decided to break the silence between us.

"How was your day?" The bare minimum slipped off my mouth. I had zero experience with how to talk to woman about anything, maybe Nathan and Brian were right after all...

She looked at me in the eye and my fists clenched automatically. "Mm just the usual. Nothing much. How about you?" She placed her chin on her palm and looked at me with a small smile. I could have sworn I had never seen a better view than this. The moonlight reflected on her perfectly and I just realized... She had dimples.

"Quite stressful." I spoke honestly. I wasn't much of a liar, and I don't know if that counts as a flaw or perfection. Although I could hide things, I can never really lie.

"Is it okay to ask what did you do today?" She spoke carefully.

I looked at the glass of wine for a while, "Just... Security work... You know..." No she doesn't. That was the only thing that left my mouth while I nodded and looked at her again. 

She nodded back and whispered, "Right." I stared at her for a while and rubbed my face. I forgot the aftershave today, Jesus...

A while later I looked at her again and spoke. "Carene." She hummed and looked at me. "When are you free, this or next week?" I asked her while she thought.

"I'm free during the weekends." She answered. I nodded with a deep breath then spoke again.

"Let's get you a wedding dress this weekend." I looked at her after saying this and she stared at me. 

"Mr. Warren-" She cut herself off then spoke again. "When's the wedding planned, Alex?" 

"The sooner the better." It was necessary. It wasn't me, it was her. She needed the protection, even if she doesn't show. I did a bit of research on her father, William Damsel. An alcoholic and drug addict who had murdered his wife and abused his daughter till she was thirteen. Yes, Carene had changed her name, but I was curious if she did it as a whole name or just the surname, however I remained silent about it for now. I had no intentions to make her uncomfortable especially when we are still adjusting to each other.

"When will that be?" She looked at me waiting for a reply.

"When are you okay with it?" She picked on her thumb's cuticle, I'm not sure if she's even fine with the idea of it. "You know if you want we can have a wedding in court, just signing the papers and register it if you're not comfortable with the idea of having a normal one." I tried my best to make things even between us. Maybe she won't really like the attention, the cameras and strangers. Perhaps having a wedding in court might be safer too. She won't have her face displayed on media.

"I'm not sure..." She replied scratching her neck.

"See, if it's a normal wedding, there will be articles, news reports and pictures which I say isn't the safest option." She nodded and lifted her head.

"Right. I need to avoid that..." She maintained a soft tone throughout. I was on the verge to say 'I'd love to see you in a wedding dress.' But considering her safety we need to do it this way.

"So what do you say?" The waiter entered and placed the dinner in front of us and both of us gave a slight bow to thank him before he left. 

"End of the month maybe?" She waited for an approval. I thought and nodded after a while.

"You'll move in with me, you do know that right?" I saw her trace the rim of the glass.

"I know..." I hummed at the answer. A part of me felt that I was making her feel uncomfortable.

"Carene." I called for her.

"Yes?" She looked at me straight in the eye again.

"Do I make you uncomfortable?" I blurted out before sipping on my wine. She was taken aback from the unexpected question but remained silent. "I understand if you do feel that way, it's alright." I tried my best to search for the right words to gain her trust. "I'll... I'll try doing better." There, I said it.

Honestly speaking, if my teammates were here they would have either slapped me some sense or would have laughed about how stupid it felt when I said those words from my mouth. Yes I was a perfectionist and there wasn't a time I was lacking. There wasn't a time I never did things according to me but then... This was different. Very annoying of me not gonna lie. 

I was lost in the thought when I heard a small chuckle leave my fiancée's mouth. This was a genuine one, a reaction I perhaps didn't expect. She shook her head, her expression now very much normal than a while ago. "You are not making me uncomfortable, so you need not worry about it." 

I breathed out in relief and nodded. This might have given me some sort of hope. Perhaps it might not be a bad idea after all. 

One step at a time.