I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED YOU

Memories - I

I was there at the wedding hall, wearing a golden sherwani set with red designs in its border, just like how my would-be wife wanted me to wear. My hands were becoming wet due to nervousness, my head starting to ache because of the Pagdi (a traditional turban worn on weddings), the awkwardness of the gaze of everyone in the hall and amidst all the clamor of the loud songs and voices, my thoughts were fully focused on my bride. I tried to look as cool as I could be but, I was desperate to see my bride dressed up for me. The more I waited, the more it seemed as if the time has stopped.  My trance was broken when everyone became excited as she came in. There she came, sitting on a wooden plank lifted up by four people. My Sonakshi dressed up in a red Bengali saree and hands painted red by the mehndi, covering her beautiful face with beetle leaf (as per the Bengali Traditions). As much I tried to see between her finger gaps, she was the most beautiful bride in the world. After going around me, for seven times, they finally stopped, and she was asked to take away the beetle leaf. Finally, I was able to get a full look of her face. When I saw her eyes, those pretty and intense dark coloured orbs looking at me with love and shyness, at that moment I was flattered and a sense of peace filled my heart and I thought to myself – "The day has finally come, when we would become officially Mr. and Mrs Dixit. Really Sona, you are going to be my wife in just some time. MY WIFE"

Startled awake by the dream, Dev sat upright in his bed. 

"Sonakshi!!" he whispered.

 That's when he came into his senses. He was in his room, alone. She was not besides him. He was holding back his tears that were urging to come out, as memories of last night gushed down. He remembered what happened last night at his farmhouse. The raging argument between them, the accusations, the words that came out of anger that shouldn't have been told, the regret, the tears of anger and disappointment in Sonakshi's eyes, the way his whole world came crashing down in that one night, he remembered everything. He was unable to handle the pain that came with the memories. He couldn't accept that he has no right on her and that Sonakshi is not his wife anymore. 

The truth, it is something that he never expected. For a second, he wanted to believe that it's all a nightmare and Sona would come to him with a wide smile and hug him tight. But no, it wasn't happening.

He mustered the strength to get up from his bed and go near the wall which was decorated with their pictures together. His fingers slowly caressed the pictures as if he is trying to get back those moments. He was broken. He was frustrated with himself, for letting these things happen, for letting her go, for hurting her. He hated his life and wished he never woke up from his sleep, because the life is so painful to survive even a day without her. 

He glanced his phone on the side table, he took it and opened it. The wallpaper of the screen flashed on his face and at that point he couldn't control his tears. Looking at their picture, which was taken just a few days back. A picture of Sona making funny faces while Dev looks at her with sheer adoration. There was so much love in that picture! Seeing that felt like a sharp knife piercing his heart. The more he thought of how they were a few weeks ago makes it more unbelievable that they aren't together now.

As he unlocked his phone, his fingers searched to call Sonakshi. But he was stopped by the memories of Sona saying how much she regrets her decision of marrying him and she doesn't want to be with him anymore. He held the phone as tight as possible and wished he had  magical powers to change everything as it was a few days ago. He sank onto the bed trying to absorb his emotions. 

Sensing that Dev is awake, Ishwari came from her room, to check on him. Ishwari was too hesitant to speak to Dev. Yet, her love for him is much more than her fear and guilt.

Ishwari came inside, slowly trying not to wake her son up. She wanted to sit beside him and tell him that it's going to be fine. But she couldn't. Atleast not after what happened last night. She saw Dev lying with his hands tightly holding the phone as if he is trying to save something that would be broken If he lost his hold over it. Seeing him took her to the flashback of last night.

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Flashback :

Ishwari was waiting in Dev's room. It was midnight and Dev has not yet returned from their farmhouse. She was growing more and more impatient as the clock ticked. She was worried about Dev. Then finally at 2:30 am, she heard footsteps towards his room. She walked up to the door and there he was, his shirt fully messed up, his hand had scar on it, which looked like an impression made by crushing something with force. He was drunk, fully unstable and broken. His eyes were swollen, and they were red. He saw his mother but didn't say a word. He was this drunk last time when it was Sonakshi's engagement. But this time maybe things were worse. Ishwari's heart broke into millions of pieces to see her son in this state. She went closer to him and touched his face and caressed it softly and said "Dev beta, console yourself. You shouldn't be like this. It was not your fault beta. You loved Sonakshi, you wanted to be with her. You stopped her from going but she didn't listen to you beta."

Dev pushed her hand away and stepped back from her. After a long pause he spoke. "I know it is not my fault maa, I spent my whole life in working hard and fulfilling your needs, my family's needs. I lived my whole life for you, but I asked you for only one thing for myself and that was Sonakshi. Now she is also not there with me maa. I know it is not my fault. But someone else is responsible for this."

Dev's eyes were glittering with drops of tears in them, tears of disappointment, betrayal. 

In a very defeated voice, he said "I know who is responsible for this. IT IS YOU MAA. You are responsible for my life to crash down into nothing. I was leading a very happy and contented life, but you spoilt everything. What was the need for you to get the prenuptial papers signed by me that too by fooling me. You betrayed me maa. I loved you more than anyone in this world maa. I did everything for you, I devoted my whole life for you. And you gave me this in return?"

Ishwari was shaken to hear these words form his mouth. She couldn't believe that it was her son, her Dev saying these things to her. She spoke softly "Dev what are you saying, whatever I did was for your well being only beta. I won't wish anything but your happiness"

Dev let out a sarcastic laugh and said "waah maa, my happiness? Am I happy right now? Can't you see what has happened to me because of that? Everything is over maa. I just expected one thing from you that you would always support me and stand by me. But you got the prenup paper filled and you broke my expectations, broke my trust. You left me alone maa. Now that you and Sonakshi have left me alone, I'll be alone. I don't need you to comfort me. From now on, I won't feel contented by sleeping on your lap. Something has changed this night maa. Not only did I lose my love this night, but also you lost your son. I would never be your old Dev. "

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Remembering Dev's words. She felt that she has to give him some space and it is not the right time to have a conversation about it now. So, she silently went back and closed the door behind.

On hearing the sound of the door, Dev opened his eyes, which were now red with anger and hurt as he thought about his last conversation with his mother. He couldn't take this anymore. He couldn't stay in that house anymore, he can't be in the room where Sonakshi's memories are piled-up . So, he got up from his bed, got his keys and stormed out of his room.

Ishwari came running behind him shouting - "Dev, where are you going. Please talk to me. I'll make everything alright.. Dev.. don't go. Dev!!"

But he didn't stop, nor did he turn back. On hearing Ishwari shout, Ria and Neha came and tired stopping Dev, but no one could do that. He nudged his sisters' hold over his hand and left the house without saying a word. 

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That brings us to the end of the first chapter! Do let me know what you feel about it!

The next chapter will be updated soon. Until then, bye!