You made me feel

C H A P T E R T W E L V E

It's her.
I found her.

I sit on my mahogany leather chair across from my bed.
The sun warms my back and the little dust particles are visibly dancing in the air. I swirl the glass of whiskey in my right hand and watch her as she lies there, her breath going steady and her cheeks gaining their pink color back. It's been over fifteen years and I still can't believe I found her.

I've been studying the tapes daily, trying to find something to lead me to her.
But nothing. Until now. Until that day in Melbourne.

I wet my lips with the whiskey and taste the sweetness of the honey. Who would have known that the woman I was looking for so many years and who could ruin everything in the blink of an eye would be the woman I spilled my coffee on? I smile at the memory and I immediately feel my chest warming up when I see her again, on that day, looking at me, trying to find something in my gaze that would explain why she can't take her eyes off of me. I didn't recognize her at first, it's been a long time and she changed. She's not a teenager anymore, she's a grown woman. It took me a while to realize and to process that it was her.

The day we were on this balcony at the Port Lincoln Hotel I was so distracted by her behavior, her gaze, the way she talked. Then she leaned over the railing and I saw it. The Birthmark. Right above her left collarbone. The soft brown, heart-shaped birthmark I noticed on the tapes. The quality wasn't that good back then I thought it would be some scratch on the camera or a shadow. Once the quality improved I saw it and hoped it would be a good reference point to identify her.

"Wha- What happened?" She stumbles as she gains her consciousness back.
I get up and sit next to her on my bed. I run my hand over her cheek.
"You fainted after I told you that Edward is dead." She nods.
"Here drink." I hand her over my glass.
She empties the glass in one sip and shrugs her face when she realizes the burn down her throat.
"Smooth, " she places the glass on the nightstand.
"Smoother than you."
She rubs her temples and sighs.
"What is going on?"
"I killed a man, because he looked at you, a little too long and a little too excited."
"Why would you do that? I mean why not just ign-"
"Men like Edward are not that easy to ignore. Powerful men are not that easy to ignore and they don't like it if they don't get what they want, no matter how." She swallows, puts the blanket to the side, and gets up. She walks into the bathroom and comes out seconds later with her black bag.

"What are you doing?"
She doesn't answer and walks out of the room. I feel my hands turning into fists as I get up and follow her.
"What are you doing?" I repeat.
"Leaving."
I freeze for a brief second. She turns around her tiny body practically vibrating in anger.

"You ki- killed a man!" I nod.
"What is," she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before she continues,  "- you killed a man, just because he looked at me? "
"He also used money he was supposed to -"
"Yeah, I heard that the first time but why-" Her voice breaks, her eyes fill with tears. I take a step forward but she shakes her head and brings her left arm up to stop me from coming any closer and moves back.

She's scared.

"No! I'm leaving. I don't- I'm not- I can't be here. With you, right now. I don't wanna be." Her glance is empty, her eyes darken as new tears run down her face.
"Leave me alone, please. I need to process this, I need to be alone." Before I can stop her she grabs her shoes and leaves, and the door slams shut. I wait a few seconds. My phone rings.
"It worked, now make sure she's safe until she gets home. Bye."
I unbutton my shirt and walk into the bedroom. Undress and on my way into the bathroom I take my pants off.

I run my hand through my hair and look into the mirror.

One done, only one left.

I haven't heard from her since she left three hours ago. Steve told me she went straight to the beach and so did I after I showered and changed into more comfortable clothes.
I watch her as she sits there, book in her hands trying to escape reality. After a while, she puts the book aside and rests her head on her knees. She watches the waves crashing at the shore and I can only imagine what she's thinking about.
She takes her shoes off, ties them to her bag, throws them over her shoulder, and walks closer to the water. She takes her phone and her fingers dance over the display. My phone is buzzing. 
"Yes?"
"You didn't call me, you said you would, why didn't you call me? Something happened, they found Edward in his office, a heart attack that's so horrible. His wife said he didn't have any health issues, it must have happened out of nowhere, I'm on my way to her. You should come, too, he was like a second father to you." 
"Mom, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope he didn't suffer that much. Sure, I will pass by later, I'll take Cleo home first."
"Oh, you're together again? Is it serious? Do you like her? Oh, you looked so happy together, and the way her eyes shone when she looked at you. Oh, Kody, honey she makes you happy, doesn't she? " Wow, how could she go from I just lost a close friend I'm broken to my son is really happy so am I within five seconds? 
"I am not sure yet. Tell Angie I'll be there in forty-five minutes." 
"I will. I see you there honey. Oh, and your father will surely be desolate when he finds out. I've been calling him but I don't know what time it is in the Netherlands now, maybe he's sleeping."
I feel my jaw clenching and I take a deep breath before I answer.
"Drive careful mom, see you later." I hang up.
She puts her shoes back on and walks to the bus station. 
Once she enters the bus I walk back to my car and follow the road the bus takes straight to her apartment. At the right lights, I spot her, sitting by the window, gaze lowered at her book. Before the lights turn green, she looks up, and I'm thankful for my tinted windows because the second her soft brown eyes, meet mine I immediately see the fifteen-year-old girl looking at the eighteen-year-old boy through the dusty train window...