•°~oneshots~°•

I'm sorry...🖤

I laid in bed,my hands in my hair as I contemplated what to do.

My brother was having a party downstairs, giving me a pounding headache worse than the hangover he'll have in the morning.

Along with my brother,was his best friend,aka, the love of my life. My brother knows I'm bi,but he doesn't.

I've liked him since I was 12! And I've dropped so many hints,but he's so adorably oblivious it's painful!

I sat up, hearing a knock at the door before a tall brunette boy walked in. His hair was as fluffy as usual,his eyes still a sparkling blue even in the darkness of the night.

"H-hey Sebastian!" I said just a bit too loudly. The one and only, Sebastian,my brothers best friend,the guy who gets a new girlfriend every fucking week!

He stumbled twords me, clearly drunk. I scooted back on my bed, wrinkling the blankets as I did so.

He fell down onto the bed, turning his head to look at me.

"Hey,seb. How drunk would you say you are?" I inquired, debating whether to tell him or not.

"Just a bit tipsy,why?" He grumbled, rubbing tiredness from his eyes.

I could tell he wasn't lying,he gets such a goofy smile plastered onto his face when he does,it's addicting...

"Can I - can I tell you something,it's kinda important?" I sat up straight,now or never...

"Uh- sure man,what's up?" He looked confused, pondering what I could tell him silently in his mind.

"I-I uh- I'm - I like you..." I stuttered,my voice growing into a whisper as I finished the sentence. Apparently he still heard me based on the expression of mixed guilt, shame, sadness, and somewhat disgust painted onto his usually carefree face.

"Oh.. Jacob I- I'm sorry, I'm straight through... I appreciate it but, I don't feel the same.." he looked to the ground,then me,then the ground again.

Tears pricked my eyes, threatening to spill out. I kept them in, using every ounce of strength I had.

"I'm going to go back downstairs -I uh, hope we can still be friends?" He offered. I nodded sadly,my heart shattered.

He left slowly, closing the door. The second he left I burst into tears,shame and guilt plaguing my thoughts.

I stood up, going over to my window and sliding it open to climb out.

I climbed onto the roof,the cold nights air grazing my tear streaked face. I headed twords my hangout spot I had set up above my room.

I slumped down, curling up into a ball and continuing to sob. I stayed there for what felt like hours before someone came looking for me,the only person who ever really cared about me.

"Hey, Jacob, what happened? Are you okay?" Harry nudged my shoulder slightly, sitting down next to me.

I grumbled something even I couldn't understand, looking up at my concerned brother.

"I did something stupid...." I muttered. He looked at my wrist worriedly, thinking I likely relapsed.

"No,not that... I asked a guy out and he said no... even worse is that I was best friends with him.." I confessed, sitting up and scooting closer to rest my head on his shoulder.

"I know,he told me...I can imagine how much that sucks,I'm sorry bro.." he sighed, rubbing my shoulder gently.

"Yeah.. you got a lighter?" I pulled out a cigarette from my flannel pocket, searching for my lighter.

He nodded, pulling one out and handing it to me. I lit the cigarette, inhaling it deeply to attempt washing away the sorrow that ate away at my soul like a parasite.

I exhaled it, watching it get carried away by the wind. The moonlight illuminated the lake across from our house, causing it to sparkle with its melancholy light.

Sometimes,I imagine the moon as a person, haunted by her sorrows and lonely nights spent by herself.

She would cry and cry, only ceasing to create a full moon in hopes her lover would return to her someday,her brightness guiding them back to her.

But that would never happen, she would be forever cursed with her own insanity until she would create the glowing circle once again.

My brother says I have a wild imagination, that I should use it to my advantage. But I disagree, I simply see the world as I see fit,or picture how it should be. Most of the time I draw it, but I've run out of things to draw,or things to feel.

My mind is engulfed in sorrow, self pity at its finest..

I was so zoned out,I hadn't seen Harry get up and go back downstairs to his party.

I took a shaky breath, admiring the reflection of the stars and moon in the lake.

I felt my worry's dissolve as I slipped into an almost autopilot state of mind, somewhat disassociation but not quite..

I put out the cigarette, standing up and walking to the edge of the roof. My eyes closed, breeze flowing over my bare chest.

I opened them, sitting down and swinging my feet over the edge. My fingers traced my wrist,each oval bump lifting my fingers slightly.

I sighed, feeling the tingling sensation I got with tracing my newest scar.

I hummed a random tune, continuing to admire the beauty and utter insanity of the sky above me.