Blossom ✿

O

言葉にはない この感情が
裸の声で叫んでる
I'm falling
Falling for you
This is for you

✧✿✧

Seventh grade turned out to be a real head-scratcher. Somehow, I found myself caught up in this bizarre and utterly senseless rumour, and honestly, I still have no idea how it all started.

To set the scene, let me make it clear – words like couple, boyfriend, or girlfriend were like forbidden territory for me. Even thinking about them felt like committing a sin. I was living in blissful ignorance, unaware that the concept of dating even existed.

And then, out of nowhere, I found myself tangled up in this confusing mess.

Somehow, words began to swirl that there was something going on between me and my friend's younger sister, who happened to be a year below us. Now, let me set the record straight – it's not like I didn't know her or never talked to her. Whenever our paths crossed in the hallways, I would do what any decent senior and sibling's friend would do – greet her and inquire about her well-beings out of sheer courtesy. Nothing more, nothing less.

As the rumour took its toll, a bizarre shift occurred in the way other students perceived me – glances laden with judgment, as if I were some criminal guilty of a heinous act. Conversations that used to flow effortlessly dwindled, and I found myself on the receiving end of puzzled looks, wondering what had triggered this sudden change.

Thankfully, most of my friends and you, of course, remained steadfast, not succumbing to the gossip.

Reflecting on the past, I realize that despite my mischievous antics, I might have been one of the most innocent souls in the entire class. The upheaval caused by the rumour left me perplexed, caught in a situation I had no clue how to handle, given my unawareness of the events that had unfolded. Even her brother, once a friend, inexplicably stopped talking to me, adding another layer of confusion to an already perplexing situation.

I would often find myself summoned to the principal's office for investigations, facing a barrage of questions, most of which revolved around the central query, "Is the rumour true, my child?" Following your advice, I stuck to the only strategy you had suggested – shaking my head vehemently in denial and confidently declaring, "I believe it is totally absurd." Admittedly, back then, my vocabulary was quite limited, and the word 'absurd' was a bit of a stretch for my young mind.

Somehow, and I'm not entirely sure why, both the principal and our homeroom teacher consistently placed their trust in me during these investigations. Regardless of the turmoil caused by the rumours, they always believed my words. Even when my parents were summoned – they, too, knowing my character, would vouch for my innocence. In the midst of the chaos, I would consistently manage to escape the storm.

And after the storm had finally subsided, and I found myself having lost a considerable number of friends, you paid me a visit one weekend. As our mothers engaged in conversation in the living room, we retreated to my room, doors wide open – a strategic move to ensure our mothers could keep a watchful eye on us.

In meticulous detail, you disentangled the intricacies of what had transpired – breaking down the concept of dating, the hows and whys, and dissecting the whole saga that had unfolded around me. It was an enlightening crash course, topped off with the pièce de résistance: your clarification of the word 'absurd,' a term I had tossed around confidently without truly grasping its meaning.

As you concluded your explanation, a burst of loud, humorous laughter erupted from me in sheer disbelief. For the next half hour, we found ourselves caught in fits of laughter, not at the situation, but at the sheer absurdity of it all.

Although to this day, the origin of the rumor remains a mystery, I know that our friendship took on a new dimension in that moment. You had been a constant presence, guiding me through the bewildering ordeal I had unwittingly stumbled into. I began to see you in a new light – as not just a friend, but a pillar of support and wisdom.

It dawned upon me that I couldn't manage through the life's twists and turns without you by my side. I realized the importance of cherishing our bond, knowing deep down that I couldn't bear to let you slip away. From that moment on, I resolved to treasure our friendship always, knowing that with you beside me, I could weather any storm that came our way.

In eighth grade, I found myself entangled in another mess, but this time, I had no one to blame but myself.

Perhaps it was the onset of puberty or the sense of nearing seniority, but I started hanging out with the older guys in my neighborhood – a motley crew ranging from ninth graders to college students. As the youngest in the group, I began mimicking their behaviors, adopting their language peppered with curses, engaging in discussions about girls, and delving into topics that, in hindsight, I struggle to recall. Yet, one thing remains vivid – that moment of enlightenment when I finally grasped the intricacies of the baby-making process – and yes, I was horrified.

In my naivety, I ended up being so foolishly innocent. When the older guys were pooling money to buy some pricey wine, I adamantly contributed my share. Honestly, I had no clue what wine was; in my mind, it was some exclusive, wealthy person's beverage, and I was desperate to witness it firsthand, to hold it in my hands. The desire to drink it also crossed my mind, but they quickly dispelled that notion, asserting that kids weren't allowed. Our compromise was that I could at least gaze upon it from a distance.

Despite my eagerness, a nagging feeling in my gut told me that something wasn't right. Deep down, I knew I needed to retrieve my hard-earned pocket money before it was too late. Reluctantly, I swallowed my pride and approached you, seeking guidance and perhaps a way out of the situation.

After patiently enduring my lengthy tale, complete with explanations and defenses, your initial response was to deliver a resounding smack to my head – so forceful that the memory still stings. You gave me not one but two reasons for that disciplinary action. First, for holding onto the belief that babies magically appear in a mother's womb after marriage. Second, for getting entangled with a group of individuals without informing you about it.

Following the initial smack, you had delivered another one for the audacity of giving away money without my mother's consent, well aware of my inability to handle such matters properly. Yet, after these stern lessons, you calmly suggested that I politely approach the older boys to ask for the money back. You exuded an unexpected confidence, as if the mere act of asking would undoubtedly yield a positive outcome.

For the first time, doubt crept into my mind as I feared the potential repercussions of confronting the older boys. I imagined scenarios of physical harm and torment, my small body no match for their strength.

But to my utter amazement, my fears proved unfounded. In a surprising turn of events, they silently returned my money, albeit accompanied by a few choice curses. Yet, that was the extent of it.

From that day forward, I vowed never to doubt you or your guidance again. It was a lesson learned – I recognised that following your guidance was the key to a peaceful and secure life.

✧✿✧

I make you, you make me
笑顔も涙も共に yeah
I make you, you make me
歩き出そう 君と二人で