Hearts of Black and White

4. A Hated Name

After Po said goodbye to Shifu and Yong - Yong had preferred to wait in the Jade Palace until the six friends returned - they raced down to the village. Their path led them immediately to Po's foster father Mr. Ping's restaurant. And as soon as they were through the gate, they realized that almost the entire panda clan had gathered on the terrace.
"PO!" Mr. Ping's excited voice shouted and before Po knew it, the gander rushed at his big belly. "Could you please tell your relatives not to eat up the whole kitchen? I also have to look after other guests."
Po had to laugh heartily, despite the state the kitchen was in. "Okay, I'll tell them, dad, but I just can't stay long."
Mr. Ping's eyes widened. "What, why not?"
"Well, we're on a mission."
Mr. Ping's beak remained open. "What? Now? But you just got back from vacation. Your father Li was so excited..."
"Yes, yes, I know," Po tried to reassure Mr. Ping, "but it's something very important. Something very urgent. Even something dangerous."
"Dangerous?" Po heard the voice of his biological father Li next to him.
"Oh, hello, dad... I may have exaggerated a bit. But no, it's not what you think, I uh... It's actually not any other mission like any other." The last sentence was more or less a lie, which Po had to realize with a swipe from Tigress. Nevertheless, Po wanted to get rid of his father Li as quickly as possible so that he wouldn't worry about him unnecessarily.
Mr. Ping, on the other hand, was immediately on fire. "Then I will pack something for you straight away!" With these words, the gander disappeared back into the kitchen, which was already half empty.
Li, on the other hand, wasn't finished with his questions. "And how long are you going to be gone?"
Po shrugged. "We don't know yet... How long are you staying here?"
Now Li shrugged. "Well, actually we were hoping that you would stay here with us, at least so we could spend a few days together. As a family. Your cousin wants to learn a few tricks from you."
Po's eyes fell on his cousin Dim, who was having an eating contest with his twin brother.
"Dim? Really?" Po was still completely surprised. "Wow, I've always wanted to train some kung fu with another panda." His gaze fell back to his friends. "Well, that doesn't mean I wouldn't like to train with you. I mean, I love it when we move and groove in the training hall like that..."
Monkey raised his hand in warning. "It's okay, Po."
"We should set off slowly now," Tigress suggested. And she had barely spoken when Mr. Ping came back with a fully packed backpack.
"Here, Po! That should be enough for a week, I hope. There's still money here if you come to a restaurant. And don't forget to recommend our restaurant..."
"Dad!" Po said, "You don't always have to put in so much effort."
Mr. Ping raised his eyebrows. "You don't want to leave without provisions for the journey. No back talk, otherwise you'll lose weight. I'll pack you a snack!"
Po was unable to argue because Mr. Ping had already disappeared again. Po dropped his shoulders in shame. Sometimes he was embarrassed that his stepfather still treated him like a little child. He let his gaze wander across the terrace. Almost all the pandas were there. Except... Po paused. He narrowed his eyes briefly and took a closer look. A female panda sat at a patio table near the kitchen. Po rubbed his chin thoughtfully. She was perhaps even his father's age. She was modestly dressed, but not old-fashioned either. She wore a small flower in her hair braid and her make-up was also quite modest.
"Who is that?" Po asked, turning to Li. "I don't even know her yet."
Li smiled. "This is An-Ni."
Po looked at him in surprise. "An-Ni?"
"Sometimes we just call her An. You may not know her yet either. She came to our panda village a while ago."
Po's mouth fell open in surprise.
Li laughed. "You look like you've just seen a ghost. Did you think we were the only pandas in the world? There are definitely others like us far beyond the horizon."
Po scratched his head. "Hmm, then I wonder why he was so sure that there were no more pandas or only one village."
"Who do you mean?"
Po was startled. "Oh, I'm talking about Shen."
Li's gaze darkened.
Po lowered his head ruefully and tapped his fingertips together. "I know you don't like talking about him..."
"I never want to hear that name again anyway."
Po ducked his head even more. "I know. I'm sorry. But why?"
Li raised his eyebrows. "Why what?"
"Why don't you ever talk about it? I mean, when I wanted to talk to you about my mission in Gongmen City, you kept avoiding the topic. Why?"
Li sighed. "It's pretty obvious, isn't it?" He turned away. "We shouldn't talk about this anymore."
Po furrowed his eyebrows. "But I would like to talk about it. Master Shifu says it's not good to suppress something that bothers someone." Po followed his father, who headed towards a lonely corner of the restaurant terrace. His friends respectfully left the two alone.
"Why did you never return to the village?" Po continued to ask. "I mean, well, back when Shen had to leave Gongmen City..."
"Po!" Li stopped him sternly, but quickly softened his tone again. "I... I just never want to hear his name again." He lowered his eyes.
Po looked at him with pity. "He hurt you a lot, didn't he?"
Li looked to the side where the other pandas were happily talking and eating. "I'm glad you were too young to understand what was happening back then. And that... that so many had managed to escape." He took a short pause. "I never thought a creature would be able to do something like that. I have heard of many battles, in wars. But this..." He looked at Po again. "But there's no point in talking about it. What happened is happened. You can never undo it."
Po swallowed hard. "Can I say something about that?"
Li looked like he was about to block again, but Po gathered his courage and continued, "It's just about you and mother. I asked him in Gongmen City what had happened that night. You're right. I was too young to understand it back then... And I had pretty much forgotten it."
Li looked at him silently. He seemed to realize that talking meant a lot to Po.
"You know," Po continued hesitantly, "when I met him back then, I wanted to know what happened back then. Oh well. First he lied to me..."
"That doesn't surprise me at all," Li hissed bitterly.
Po didn't respond. "He...he claimed that my parents, you and Mom, never loved me..."
Li stomped up. "You really believed that?!"
He paused. All the other pandas stared over at them. Li quickly took Po aside and pulled him outside onto the street.
"I'm sorry, dad," Po tried to apologize, "but I finally had to say this..."
Li pushed Po against the wall. "He can be happy that his own parents even accepted him as their son," Li continued to complain, but at least in a controlled tone.
Po looked at him in surprise. "How come?"
Li took a deep breath and let go of Po. "Well, he was quite unusual for a peacock. And it..." Li didn't speak any further but stood there with his head bowed.
Po rubbed his paws nervously. "Did you actually know his parents?" he asked carefully. "I mean, you were also residents of Gongmen City. Albeit out-of-town."
Li raised his head. For a moment, Po thought he was trying to say something, but then Li quickly turned his back on him. "We had delivered the rice. We had only seen his father in town once. But that's all... I told you I didn't want to talk about it. As for him..." He meant Shen. "I honestly wish..."
Po backed away. His father had his paw clenched into a fist and looked as if he wanted to hit someone. But then Li relaxed the tension and controlled himself again. Then he looked at Po with deep sadness. "And you really believed him that we didn't love you?"
Po looked down in shame. "Well, I... He said it with such spitefulness that I... honestly, for a brief moment... believed him."
Both pandas stood facing each other on the street, as if time stood still around them.
Tears formed in Po's eyes. Li didn't feel different. But instead of the expected hug, Li just lowered his head and whispered, "After all this, and that was the thanks for it."
"Is that your son?"
Both pandas spun around. The panda lady An-Ni emerged from the restaurant. Li and Po had been so engrossed in their conversation that they hadn't noticed her.
Po was the first one to compose himself. "Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm his son. Hi!"
"Yes, that's my son Po," Li also chimed in. "My wife and I called him Lotus, but he calls himself Po."
An-Ni smiled. "You're a spitting image of your father. And he also told me a lot about you."
"Oh, really?" Po blushed. An-Ni was far different from Mei Mei or any other panda in the village. She smelled of perfume, but just enough that it didn't bother anyone.
"Po!" Mr. Ping's voice echoed over to them. "There you are! You forgot your backpack!" With these words, Mr. Ping Po put the fully packed bag in his paws. "And that you eat everything nicely," Mr. Ping instructed him sternly. "It would be a shame if it goes bad."
"Sure, dad," Po obeyed and he shouldered the backpack on his shoulders. At first he was a little surprised that An-Ni didn't ask why he called Mr. Ping his father, but he suspected that Li had already explained everything to her.
"Po, where are you?" Tigress asked, who was now waiting somewhat impatiently at a distance with the others.
Po laboriously adjusted the backpack. "I'm coming!" And turned back to Li, Mr. Ping and also made a polite bow to An-Ni. "Well, I have to go. We'll see each other later!" With these words, Po ran to his friends, but turned to them one last time. "But like I said, dad, we'll be back very soon! See you then!"
Mr. Ping waved after him. "Take good care of yourself, my son!"
Li noticed An-Ni looking at him and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Well, my son. Always on a mission. And? What do you think of him?"
An-Ni smiled. "He seems to be really nice."
Li sighed. "Yes, he is." His gaze wandered back to the open street where Po and the others disappeared. "He really is." Li looked after them with deep sadness. "My little Lotus," he thought sadly and sighed heavily. "I just can't talk about it. If one of our village had not done something back then, the white monster would no longer have been alive shortly after its birth."
His eyes fell on the entrance to the restaurant terrace, where Grandma Panda had just stuck her head out. Their eyes met. There was consternation on both faces. Then Grammy silently retreated back to the terrace, while Li remained silent and impassive on the street next to An-Ni and Mr. Ping.

To avoid any misunderstandings, I would like to emphasize that I really don't know how Li Shan would react to the name "Shen". The dialogue between him and Po was created on the basis that in the third movie, they never spoke openly about Shen and about the village massacre. It is never stated in the movie whether Li deliberately avoided the topic or whether he and Po did talk about it at some point. So I really don't know how Li Shan would react to Shen. Scared, shocked, angry? Therefore, Li's reaction to Shen in this chapter is entirely my own imagination, based on his reserved behavior in the third movie.

The name "An-Ni" or "Anni" is a combination of 安(ān) ~ quiet, peaceful, and 妮(nī) ~ girl.