Thirteenth X Clara - Alternative

Chapter 5: Once More

Today was the day. The day she would finally return to where she was meant to be. A few centuries of life were much more than she ever deserved, and she was incredibly grateful for that. But she wasn't supposed to have it, and she knew it. She could remember it like it was yesterday, one of the few things she could still remember well. Him reaching out his hand to her, watching the now frozen raven and stepping into that white room. That was when her life changed forever. For better or worse, she couldn't tell you.

She looked at herself in the mirror, and at the hair that had stayed the same since she first came into this ship. No matter if she cut it, dyed it or just styled it differently; the next morning, it'd always change back. It wasn't the only thing, either. No matter what she'd do to her body or her hair, they'd always return to its original form. At first, she remembered freaking out, baffled at why she couldn't change anything about her appearance, but eventually, she just got used to it. Soon, she'd realize eating anything didn't result in any kind of weight gain, nor could she lose weight either. Any cuts or bruises would disappear. Every 24 hours, she reset to what she was at the beginning of the day, and eventually it just became numb to her. But that was why she made the choice to do this.

It all... just because monotonous. How often could you save lives of people, travel to any place you could think of and meet any kind of person before it all became just numb to you? How much more could you do knowing you had a timer on your life where the universe was constantly unravelling because of you, where you knew your death was impending?

She also missed him. She knew that separating was best for them, but that didn't stop the pain she'd feel constantly. If her heart could still beat, it'd ache all the time. There wasn't a day that went by that he never came into her mind, and in recent times, it became harder and harder to just keep going, knowing that it'd never be the same. Even if she'd find him, he'd never know who she was, and it would absolutely destroy her. She went through that once and nearly didn't make it through. Never again.

Before she could ponder more, she heard the thud of the Tardis' landing, knowing what was coming now. She made her way out of the Tardis with a brave face and smiled, as she saw Ashildlr with her bag slung over her shoulder. Her faithful companion. The only other person who understood what she was going through. So many adventures, so much time just hanging out in the Tardis. She became rather fond of the Viking girl, which made this even more difficult.

"So... this is it, huh? You're sure about this?" Ashildr said.

She looked quite stern, as she usually was, but Clara could see her still puffy eyes.

"Yep... definitely sure this time. I think it's the right time, honestly."

There was a brief bit of silence between the pair, as neither knew what to say. Both knew this day was coming. Clara just hoped that Ashildr wouldn't have to be there when she made the choice.

"Sure you don't wanna keep this? It's as much your ship as it is mine." Clara said, as she gestured around.

"No, I should go. Wouldn't be the same around here without you. Too many memories.."

That was the kicker, as it got Clara to tear up. She had built an entire other lifetime inside this place, and now... everything was changing.

"So you know I..."

Ashildr didn't get to finish her sentence as Clara wrapped her arms around her in a hug. She was never too fond of Clara's hugs, but decided this was the one time she'd allow it, as she reciprocated it, welling up again.

But eventually, it was time to go. She released the hug and adjusted her bag on her shoulders before giving Clara a nod, and then walking to the exit. She opened the door to reveal a marketplace filled with different aliens, her desired drop off point. She waved to her one last time before she eventually walked out of her life as the Tardis' doors closed behind her.