Never Enough

False Hope

     My day was boring to say the least. Time dragged on for what seemed forever. Looking at the clock every other second probably didn't help either. But I couldn't help it. English class with Mr. Allen put everybody to sleep. His voice was dull and boring and as he read aloud to the class, I drifted further into my day dreams. The bell finally rings and I grab my books and practically run out of the classroom as Mr. Allen continued to read. I try not to draw any attention to myself as I walk down the hallway.

      I have always hated when people looked at me. I would rather be the girl who blends into the background than the girl who everyone wanted to be and looked up to. AKA Ashley Verbeck. The most popular, pretty and adored girl. The downside she is an absolute class A bitch, and I see no point to wasting any of my time bowing down to her. Not like she knows who I am but, it makes me feel better knowing that she is not almighty. I'm sure she's dated almost every guy in our whole high school. I'm not saying they lasted very long, but... I was implying other things.

      She walks all over everyone else as of she's the queen. If I wasn't so shy and quiet, I probably would have stabbed her by now. I may be quiet but I do have thoughts and feelings just like everybody else. I have a list of people who I could kill. Now the real question is where could I hide the body...

     In the middle of my thought process I bump right into someone and send my binder flying along with all my papers and notes inside. I stare at the mess

      "Chloe, hey so sorry about that, my fault." a strong male voice says. 

      "ah, it's okay."

       I must look like a deer in headlights or something because when I look up this guy I've never seen before is staring at me like he just killed my puppy. I bend down to start to pick up the mess and the guy bends down to help too. I don't look up and I stay quiet as I continue to pick up the disaster. Papers have managed their way down the hall. and notebooks lay astrew, open for the world to read my most private thoughts.

      I notice one in particular that has a page of poetry open, I dive to grab it before he can see what's written but I'm too late and laying on the ground like a retarded seal. His laugh made his dimples stand out as he looks at me with those green blue eyes. I can't help but stare, because let's be honest here, how could I have missed a guy like that?

      I know I'm socially awkward and all and I can really focus on my work.. but wow! He must have notice me staring at him and was uncomfortable because he runs a hair through his semi-short chestnut brown hair and looks down awkwardly at the notebook, and then again back at me. As a brush myself off and pick myself up he sits still reading my notebook.

      "Can I please have that back?" 

      "You're really good, like really good" he says, 

     as he stands up and hands me my notebook back. I nearly rip it out of his hands, and clutch it close to my body. He smiles at me again. My face instantly heats and my cheeks turn a rosey pink. I return the notebook to my bag and sidestep past him in the other direction. He turns and catches my arm and looks at me with that goddamned smile that could make anyone melt into their shoes.

      "I know you don't know me but my name is Tyler. See you later Chloe."

      Stunned I nod as he turns and walks away from me. I stand there frozen. Social interaction with an attractive male was never my forte. He turns back at the end of the hall and smiles. I force my legs to work and get to my next class. I open the door to world history and slip into my seat at the back unnoticed. I scan the room looking for Tyler. I never have noticed him before, so from here on I'm going to look for him. I need to know how he knows me. I'm a nobody who knows barely anyone and keeps to herself. It's not like he would ever notice me on his own. Or would he? No, of course not. I stop myself before I start criticizing myself again.

 *********** 

     I walk out of the school to find the one and only Jake, sitting on the hood of his car waiting for me by the curb. He would park his fancy black camaro in the front of the building for everyone too see, I try to sneak by and walk the 3 miles home but Jake sees me before I can make my escape. He screams my name and waves vigorously at me until I notice him and start to walk over. 

     "Could you make more of a scene?!?!" I ask him with venom in my voice, 

     "yes" he said with a smile 

      "Stop smiling you jerk," I hop into his car, "Can we get going now I have to be home by 4 today."  

      "What is up with these ridiculous times. Your 17 you need to live a little. Why can't your parents see that?"

      He looks at me with so much pity, I want to punch him for it too. I don't want his pity. Or anyones for that. I get what I get and I honestly don't give a shit anymore. It's just not worth it. I did at one point and it got me nowhere. Let's just say I learned from my mistakes. We arrive at my house at exactly 3:20. I hop out and thank him for the ride as I always do. I would have to walk if not for him. 

     My parents, more like my father could care less as long as it didn't cost him money to pay for transportation. And that I got home at the appointed time or else. He didn't want me out getting in trouble and "being a dirty whore" his words not mine. He doesn't like me much. Thats a understatement but the feeling is mutual. I run inside and try to dart up the stairs without being noticed unsuccessfully. He sits in his chair drinking a beer and eating chips while watching family feud and he yells out to me without looking back, 

      "Hey! Yeah you. Get working on those fucking chores or else. I want them done by 5. We've got people coming over. I don't want them to see you here so you better be in your room and dead silent by 5. You hear?" 

      I don't even bother saying anything back. I have to get started if I don't want to get beat. I swear he purposely trashes the house just so I can spend the day cleaning it again. It's not just him. That wench of a wife, who is my step mother. Her name is Claire and basically has no brain and no part of her body that hasn't had work done on it. She could be a defective barbie for a living. she's like 26 and they got married a year after my mom committed suicide. 

     She wanted out and I can't blame her. But it's not fair for her to leave me and my little sister and brother behind. I was 12 when she swallowed a whole bottle of pills in the bathroom with the door locked. My father was away for the weekend on a business trip and I had been out with the kids at the park. That day haunts me, It was the day I learned how hard my mother worked to protect us from him.

      I knew they didn't get along sometimes, but he never hit or hurt us. Yell at us, yes, But nothing serious. Until that day. Mom took all our beatings. For 12 years. That's when she broke and left me to take the heat for it. I can't protect Ashton and Avery like mom did. Ashton is older than Avery by a year, he's 9. Dad isn't as harsh on them but they know what not to do and what to do. I think dad is harsher on me because I look just like her. My mom I mean. I have these old pictures of her, the few that survived after dad decided to burn everything of hers after she died. And we look like twins we're so alike. 

     Cleaning this mansion of a house is tedious and filthy. My dad got a ton of money when mom died and used up all our college funds to buy it and his new wife a sports car and clothes. Father of the year award goes to... clearly not my father. I was never a daddy's girl but since that awful day I have only ever called him father when company was over or Paul. I am scrubbing down the counters in the kitchen when claire walks in with her 9 inch leopard heels and prada hand bag. She searches the whole kitchen with her eyes and calls my name.

      "Claire I'm right here." 

     "ohhh there you are!!! I need you to get a guy to fake as your boyfriend for a one night next week. Do whatever it takes to get him here if you know what I mean. You're a pro I bet. So anyways I don't know which day but some important people are coming over and we need you to look like you have a life. So yeah. Get on that, haha get my pun. Wow I'm funny." 

      She walks away from me and heads down to the cellar to do who knows what. Sacrifice some puppies maybe. She thinks I'm just like her. Some golddigger, who enjoys that kind of life? I've never kissed a boy in my life. Never was allowed out or to date so I would never know. People think I'm lesbian but I'm not. And I've given up trying to convince people otherwise.

       I wasted so much time crying and caring over what other people think, I could care less now. The only one who hurts me now is me.