The sound of instrument and prop cases echo through the now empty arena. Crew workers loaded boxes onto the tour bus, packing everything up for the last time. This had been the final show of the tour, Tyler could not have been more relieved. He loved performing, but it was nice to finally be done for a while. Josh walked over to Tyler, "Hey Ty, you need help with those?" Josh smiled, raising an eyebrow at the copious amount of props Tyler was trying to carry on his own. Tyler looked up from the props in his hands at Josh, some sort of chill washing over his body. He shook the feeling, "No.. No I'm all good, man." He smiled weakly, nodding at Josh as he walked away. He sighed as he approached the tour bus, loading the props on. The way he reacted to Josh simply asking if he needed help wasn't anything new. Tyler had always acted like this around Josh, and it was getting worse by the day. Tyler knew he couldn't go on like this any longer. Avoiding how he felt, not saying what he actually meant when he talked to Josh. It was horrendously exhausting. The way Tyler had pushed these feelings down day to day was becoming one of the most taxing things about his routine.
Once the pair got the signal from everyone that it was time to go home, the car ride was agonizing. With Josh driving, the windows down and the radio playing softly, Tyler's mind fogged. Josh talked about the concert and some of the fans he had met on his own, Tyler gave Josh small "Oh, cool" and "That's really neat" replies. When Josh had asked him what was wrong, Tyler brushed it off as him being tired, claiming the concert had drained him. This wasn't like Tyler, he was never this "tired" after a concert. He was never this.. tired. But he wasn't really tired. Of course, only Tyler knew that. The weight of everything he needed to say was pushing on him like a freight train. Josh looked over at Tyler, noticing the strange energy he was giving off. "We killed it during Oh Ms Believer, don't you think?" Josh offered, trying to lighten the mood. Shock ran through Tyler's body, he tensed up yet again. "Y-yeah! That's always a.. uh. A good one. So many memories linked to it." He feigned a laugh, that was unfortunately not believable to Josh. "Tyler, what's going on?" he scanned Tyler's face, nothing but curiosity and concern in his question. Tyler didn't return the look, his eyes focusing on the road in front of them. "I'm just tired.. I told you already, Josh." "Right, I'm sorry." Josh's grip on the steering wheel tightened a bit. It was painfully obvious that Tyler had other things going on, but he didn't press it. He didn't press Tyler. Josh never wanted Tyler to talk about things that he wasn't comfortable with. In fact, it was one of his greatest fears. Having Tyler speak about things that he clearly doesn't want to. It felt like Josh was breaking some sort of code when he tried to get Tyler to tell him things, it felt like betrayal.
There was a silent and mutual agreement to drop the topic as they arrived to their room. They sat on their separate beds, a million thoughts divided between them. Josh felt as if Tyler was mad at him about something. Maybe he messed up during the concert, or maybe it was him offering to help carry the props that Tyler was clearly struggling with. "Tyler?" Josh glanced over at Tyler, his voice small. "Yeah, Josh?" Tyler looked up, meeting Josh's gaze. "You aren't mad at me are you? I mean, I know I asked if you needed help with the props but it wasn't to be rude.." Tyler's look softened as Josh said this, he shook his head "No, Josh. Not at all, I'm not mad about anything at all. Okay?" Josh nodded, looking away from Tyler again.
Tyler could not stop thinking about how he was going to break this cycle. How could he possibly continue brushing off the feelings he got whenever he was around Josh? There was zero way he was going to be able to do this forever. Tyler had made up his mind. He knew what he had to do, for better or for worse.
