Author's Note: This is a commissioned work for my friend, Brilcrist.
Fujieda x Towa is my favorite couple in "Slow Damage," so working on this fic is such a joy for me. I hope you guys will enjoy this story, too. ^^
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"It's alright."
Red.
"It will be alright."
Red.
"It's alright. You can do it, can't you?"
Everything is red.
"Haruto is a good boy, so of course you will be able to do it."
The ceiling is red. The floor is red. The bed is red.
Is it the color of the wall paint? Is it the color of the carpet, the bedsheet? Or is it a color that comes from blood?
If yes, whose blood is it?
His?
Hers?
Everyone else's?
He cannot move his arms. He cannot move his legs.
Is he bound to the bed? Are his limbs tied down to prevent him from running? Or is he simply frozen in fear, that his body unconsciously cuts off its own escape route without needing other people's intervention to hold it down?
He opens his mouth but no voice comes out. In the first place, what is he trying to say? What does he want to say?
"No!" — Can he say that?
"It's not alright!" — But is it, really?
How does he know if it isn't alright? How could he know if it isn't good for him? Hasn't he done this many times by now? Whenever he does it, everyone looks happy. She looks happy, and she will praise him with a smile on her face about what a good boy he has been.
"Stop it!" — But will they stop if he says it? And if they do, what then? What will they do? What will happen to him? Will they leave, or will they do a different thing? And in that case, what thing?
No matter what, he does not feel like he has a choice. No matter what, he does not have the liberty to choose.
Or maybe he does have, but he simply cannot take that one last step to make a decision. Because he does not know what consequence will take place should he turn in the direction he is not supposed to face. Because the fear of the unknown is far greater than his fear of what is already certain, regardless of how painful, how detestable it is.
In the end, he can do nothing but remain still, listening to every word, following every command, and accepting every deed committed upon his person, both his body and soul.
Beyond the fear and agony, he can hear that gentle voice speaking to him, echoing over and over again in his ears, until it becomes etched in the depth of his mind.
"It's alright. It's alright."
"Everything is alright."
"What a good boy you are. That's why, it will be alright... Haruto..."
***
"....wa... Towa..."
Everything is red. Wherever he looks — up, down, left, and right — he can see this color and only this color. It's glaring at him, it blinds him, and he can feel it crawling up his body, choking him until he cannot draw in a breath.
YOU ARE READING
Knowing Love
FanfictionFor Towa, "love" is a foreign word. He was not raised with love, he was not acquainted with it as a youth, and he certainly did not know it even after becoming an adult. What does it mean to love someone? How does it feel to be loved by someone else...
