GIRMAN

UNIVERSITY

I wanted to become an engineer. It was my only aim in life. But to my bad luck, my father refused. He said it is too hard for girls and it is time consuming. I did argue back; I am already bored most of the time and have nothing to do, why can't I at least study what I want? Anyways, arguing with my dad wasn't a battle I could ever win. It was just hopeless. I registered in the faculty of commerce.It was really a department I liked. It was always the refuge of the failures because it was the easiest. Almost 50% of the population of the country were in it. Yet, it had good advantages. I could now meet a lot of people and get to be social for the first time.My first day wasn't easy. I have never seen this much of people before. I couldn't feel right. It was crowded. I didn't know where to go. I was totally alone and had no one to direct me. It wasn't how I always imagined. People were of different types. I could see nerds and people who don't even care. People who failed more than once and people whose accomplishments are always a step ahead of them. I didn't like it at first, although I know more now. I became a very good student, loved and respected by every professor and yet I still don't like it. I still feel I could have belonged to a better place. Everything changes when new people come into your life and since I saw him everything changed. I felt the world blossoming again, and everyone smiling to me. I started loving the sessions and my understanding capacity reached its highest level. I wanted a way to talk to him. He was always surrounded with people; mostly girls. This thought always annoyed me. But I was still smart and found a way. I started looking for the things he liked in most girls; and I used it. He liked the girls with a strong characters and creative minds. I starting raising questions and narrowing and reading more about everything until he realized my existence. We started developing a friendship state. I was glad, I made it to half of the way. Two years have passed since then. We are still good friends. He gets emotional sometimes. I have a feeling he's going to propose soon. I'll be waiting.He came this morning running to me. He was happy and wore a big smile on his face. He took me by the hand to the cafeteria and send there's something he wanted to say. I acted stupid and as if I didn't know what he wanted to say. But inside I knew everything and was ready to say YES. What he said was beyond what I have expected – something I haven't thought of. He told me that since I am his close best friend and the person he trusts the most, that I should be happy for him. And when I asked for what... he told me that he finally found her. The perfect girl that he has dreamt of. He said he proposed to her and she said yes. He handed me an invitation card to the wedding. I looked at it, smiled at him and said "congrats". I left. I had to. I couldn't bear the university anymore. The place was dark and annoying. I could see his face haunting me the whole day. I decided to go home. I had to dry my tears before I step in – I cried the whole journey.My mom wasn't okay with me reaching home that early. I had to lie and say that we had only 1 session that day. She believed. I went back to my room. I felt the warm tears all over my cheeks again. I stood in front of the mirror. I saw girl. She was weak and fragile. She was crying for that ugly person who showed no romance back. Why are you sad? I raised a question. The answer was another set of questions; why have he left me? Why didn't he like me? What do I lack? When he continuously flattered and complimented me, what did he really mean? I have always heard that every girl is beautiful, in her own way. Am I beautiful? In any way? Yes I am. I should have a strong stamina and control my life. What happened happened, I can't change the past, but I shall control the future and change the present. I dried my tears and opened my textbook. I felt sorry for myself. It was me who is suffering after all. It was me who wrote poems and saw dreams of us together forever. I was surrounded by a happy thought. I was stupid. But I wouldn't blame myself; why should I? Was I the one who kept her daughter home and placed her away from people? Was I the one who didn't teach me that the world is not a safe place and I shouldn't trust everyone with everything they do or say? No, it wasn't me, and yes, it's my parents fault. I was surrounded with those people that I trust and I must have always thought that that was the case with everyone. I am totally blameless.