Bearing It aLL

Riley's Truth

Ara-(looks into Riley's eyes and frames his face with her hands.) "your so beautiful..."

Riley-(hangs his head down as his jet black hair drapes over his forehead) "why do you insist on lying to me?  I'm not some sad charity case you have to donate your sympathy to." (speaks in a low hoarse whisper)

Ara-(scoots closer to Riley and grabs his left grey jacket sleeve) "Is it that hard to believe that i care?That I might actually....." (voice trails off)

Riley-(glances up quickly and looks back down) "Might actually what Ara?, love me?"(giggles low, giggles louder, then belts out a gut wrenching laugh in utter disbelief as if he was a child that discovered someone had just played a trick on him)

Ara-(starts to feel offended) "Is it that funny? what , is it that wrong?, or is this all just a big joke to you Riley."

Riley-(laughing stops abruptly. looks up at Ara slow, stares at her expression, smirks, then returns his gaze to the trees.)

Ara-(sighs and lets go of Riley's jacket.)

Riley- " Can't you just leave me be? Yes I've been through a lot , more than your poor little stomach could ever digest, more than your pretty little mind could ever wonder, and more than your heart could ever hold on to. Never the less I'm okay . I'm okay because I learned how to be. I learned the ways of people and i saw the crooked smile of the world behind it's sugarcoated rainbows. Yes I'm alone, but I like it that way best. Yes of course i have problems. I don't need to sit in a room with a shitty shrink to explain to me the obvious. I'm closed off, but at least i know .... at least i know myself. Oh , and by the way i lost hope because hope was only there to make me feel not as bad about the truth; but i rather have the truth now than suppose a shady lie. So you don't love me Ara , you just feel obligated to help the poor lamb. You wanna be my shitty shrink , my smile, and the friend poor o'l little helpless me never had. You yearn to create this false sense of hope for me and you honestly hope to shower me with your positive outlooks on life. Well guess what sweetheart ? Life never gave a single fuck about me . You promise me better, well i despise promises. So maybe Ara, just maybe in all that useless spite, you do care. Just don't ever say you love me, because in all honesty you love what you don't understand so your willing to learn more. That's why your so smart huh? Because you're so curious? Well it doesn't matter because no matter how much you think you see,how much you think you know, you will never understand. Everybody who ever loved me didn't anymore . Can you wrap your mind around that? Love is the only gifted illusion that keeps this sick world from tearing completely from it's hinges. Love is not unconditional and forever, that's what they want us to think. Love's momentary and misguided . So that's why I laugh Ara, because I've been told these same old words for as long as i could remember until what i felt didn't even feel accurate anymore. I'm not good for you Ara, that's the disappointing truth. It's not safe to love me anymore. It's not safe for you.....