"Ateş?" she utters, "was that the only reason you never responded?"
"No," he mutters. "No, it wasn't."
She faces him fully, heart in her throat. "What does that mean? What other reason was there?"
He stays silent, watching her for a while.
"Ateş," she says impatiently, and only then does he look away. "Will you answer me?"
He closes his eyes, sighs like he's got the weight of the whole world on his shoulders. Something in him changes in that moment. She doesn't know how to explain it, but it's a glimpse of the man who had been cold to her on the day she came back- sad, broken, and angry.
When he opens his eyes and they lock onto hers, it's confirmed.
"Ateş-" She pushes through. "Tell me?"
"After you left,..."
Four Years Ago
Ateş sits on his bed, head in his hand, and does his best to keep his emotions in check as the echoes of his conversation with his brother and Feraye play out in his mind.
Where had he gone wrong? When had he become expendable to those around him? And when, he wondered, did doing right by someone give them the right to make a fool out of him?
Anger surges in his chest, and he does his best to push it back.
He fails.
Ateş gets up, paces the room like a caged animal, trying to figure out what his next move should be. What does he tell Omer Dede? His mother? Muhsin Amca- what does he tell everyone who's going to ask him about his wife and their child.
He laughs.
His wife and child. Except- Feraye was never really his wife, and the baby girl she carries was never going to be his daughter.
He pushes his hands into his hair, clutches it to the point where it hurts. Just as he's about to turn again, something on the bedside table catches his attention, stopping him in his tracks.
He walks over to it cautiously, stares down at it for a good minute before he grabs it.
It's the snow globe. The one Feraye hadn't liked him touching a few weeks back. Had it been from Yaman? Had she kept a gift from his brother in their room? His fingers tighten around the glass, and the rage builds up in the blink of an eye. He reals his hand back and throws the snow globe at the wall. It shatters into small pieces, and he follows just seconds later.
His mother comes in without knocking, probably because she heard the sound of the glass shattering, and freezes in the doorway. He doesn't blame her- after all, she's never seen him like this.
Her surprise lasts for an additional couple of seconds before she hurries into the room and falls to her knees beside him. "Ateş? Honey, what's wrong?"
He just shakes his head, lips trembling, eyes red rimmed and overflowing with tears. His mother somehow understands, and she wraps her arms around him, pulling him towards her.
He resists at first, doesn't want to appear weak and pathetic in front of her, but she doesn't pay him any mind and tucks him into her arms. His head comes to rest on her chest, and her fingers settle onto his hair, stroking gently.
Ateş holds his breath, holds his tears, and he counts the seconds until she leaves so he can fall apart on his own.
She doesn't though.
His mother stays, and she keeps holding him tightly, as if she wants to protect him, as if she can keep away his demons.
So for the first time in as long as he remembers, Ateş buries his head in his mother's chest, and he cries like the child he never got to be.
.
His mother eventually leaves him, but only after he promises her he'll get some sleep.
