7 days before the kiss...
Ates tells her a whitewashed version of what he went through in the four years she was gone, and Feraya almost kisses him. The desire to comfort, to hold, to be surrounded by him is so strong that it scares her down to her bones.
But she holds back.
She holds herself back, because she's unsure. They've had moments that could have lead to something more had either of them acted on their feelings, but that's exactly why she hesitates now. What if it's all in her head? What if she made it all up because she wants him to want her back? And how can she really be sure he's the right person for her and her daughter? How can she ever trust herself when her first choice had been Yaman? Doubts fill her head with so much white noise that she's unable to even attempt to listen to what her heart has to say about this.
Luckily, her daughter wakes up and calls for her, and just like that, she has an excuse to pull away from him, even though part of her wants nothing more than to bask in his warmth.
She thinks she's dodged a bullet that was meant for the both of them, but only when she sees the look in his eyes just before he leaves the room does she realize while she managed to dodge the bullet, she'd put him in the clear line of fire.
He's hurt and- unknowingly, unintentionally, and carelessly- she's the reason for it.
Again.
♦️
She avoids him for a few days, only manages to catch a few glimpses of him at the company and the manor.
He doesn't notice because he's avoiding her right back.
She misses him like a lung.
.
On Sunday, she doesn't get out of bed.
.
On Monday, her best friend takes Yagmur to the park to give her a break. Feraye feels like she's frozen in time.
♦️
2 days before the kiss...
On Tuesday, the sixth day of her self-imposed exile, she doesn't want to get out of bed but she forces herself to. Feraye allows herself thirty minutes to linger, to feel sorry for herself, then gets up and gets dressed.
She makes breakfast, sets the table, and feeds her daughter.
Her father is still not talking to her. She hates that she's used to it, but she is.
She doesn't have a car, so she calls for a taxi and holds her daughter tight.
"Anne, are we going to see Ates?"
"No, honey," she answers softly. Her chest aches.
"We're going to see your grandma."
"Why not? It's been forever since I saw him."
"He's busy right now, baby."
Yagmur shakes her head stubbornly, arms crossed. "He told me he would never be too busy for me."
The trust, the sheer confidence, in her daughter's words steals the breath right out of her lungs. Her eyes burn with tears she refuses to shed. "We'll see him soon."
Her daughter's eyes narrow, and good god in that moment she looks so much like Ates with her adorable frown and her crossed arms. Feraye finds herself smiling. "You promise?"
She hesitates but finds herself nodding.
Seemingly mollified by this, Yagmur goes back to watching the passing scenery.
.
Gulfem is in the garden when they get there.
Feraye and the older woman have been getting along lately, so it's a surprise when she seems to ignore her the whole time she's here. She gets a chance to talk to her about it an hour later when her daughter is playing with the puppies. "Gulfem, is something wrong?"
