Dear You,
Maybe this isn't the right place to start. Maybe you won't even believe what I say. Maybe this is pointless, you'll never see it. But that's okay.
You were and always will be my first real love. It's sad, really, how we ended. I know it was my own doing, and there's nothing I can do to fix it. Maybe that's okay. We always used to say that we're meant to be, made for each other in perfect light. I guess that wasn't true, God had other plans for us. Or maybe we'll find each other again in the future.
Honestly, I miss you. And I can't apologize enough for how I messed us up, and broke your view of love in the process. But maybe this was good, or maybe I'm saying maybe too much. Though I miss you, and us, I think it better to start fresh with someone new. Though I'll always love you, because the rumors are true; you never do stop loving your first true love, I think we both deserve to see what else we can do, who else we can be, what else we can experience. To explore and find ourselves first.
I was 16 when we met, and almost 18 when we broke up. I had just graduated high school, and you cheered me on so well. You smiled so bright, a genuine love and happiness, you were proud of me. You know all my deepest struggles, all my insecurities and strengths, all my fears. You know everything about me. Well, you knew everything about me. We were a match made in heaven.
Why had I been so naive? So ignorant to what I had? I was scared. Really, I was. I know you're tired of hearing it, but it's true. I was scared, and I thought I could reduce my possible future pain if I stopped it from happening first. I didn't think it through. I let my past, and my parents example of love tear me down and apart, tear us apart. I don't know why I expected you to just accept it, to continue being my friend. I thought that maybe because we had a beautiful, amazing relationship, that maybe you would consider staying by my side, relationship or not. I didn't consider your pain, and in doing so I caused my own demise. And I actually had the nerve to blame you. And maybe part of me still does. One can't be completely blameless, after all.
But in the end, I hope you find new experiences. I hope you don't let how I've made you feel effect your view of love forever. I hope you explore and live, just as much as I try to. And I promise you, that if we really are meant to be, then one day we will find each other again.
For now, thank you for everything. Thank you for being my first amazing example, and for setting the bar so high. Thank you for teaching me love. I will continue to love others. To try out new relationships with new people, to move on. I will try. And I am trying. I hope you understand.
I'm sorry.
-K
