The Cost of Immortal Love [H.S A.U]

N I N E

The nightmares haven't stopped, not during Thanksgiving or Christmas, not even the night of the New Year. In fact it was probably the worst one. I wake up in puddles of sweat and tears. Some nights it'll be one of them shaking me awake after I've screamed in pain for so long. It's like he's in my mind, preparing me for the blood bath. No one will tell me what will happen. They just give me a pity look and change the subject.

I try and make Harry stay through the night as long as I can but my human body needs more sleep than his. I know the second I close my eyes I'll wake up soon in terror. Jonathan is worried now, I haven't been able to keep my food down and that's when I do attempt to eat. I force myself to get fresh air, even if it hurts to breathe in the cold January air.

Most days I can't look at any of them, I can't even be in their presence without tearing up, without collapsing at the thought of leaving them. I know this is for them and that's the only think keeping me up right, i know that my love for Harry even if it's not returned will allow me to do this for him. If there is a God I hope he hears me every night, begging for more time with Harry but even I know my wishes are just that.

As embarrassing as it is I have asked Harry again when he will fuck me, even he has grown bored of what we have been doing. Some days I barely see him and those days the anxiety wins. The thoughts swirling in my head of reasons to keep going flooded by distaste that I am here just for them. In return of all of this it always comes down to him.

I look across the living room I had decided to hide in, which was no use till they all came in after and took up the silence. I haven't been paying attention to Jonathan's story, I've just been staring at the fire and now as my thoughts always wonder to him, I take him in to ease my roaring nausea.

He leans against the window looking outside as the snow piles up another inch. His cheeks hallow and skin still sun kissed even in the middle of the harshest winter. His hair in perfect waves from a shower and his broad shoulders tense and full of nerves.

The last few days have been the hardest. I refuse to argue the second he attempts to get a rise out of me. I have no energy to do so, i know it doesn't make me appealing to try anything so it leads to Harry leaving most nights without either of us finding pleasure in each other's company.

He finally catches me staring and I look away. Jonathan finally stops talking and the crackle of the fire fills the room. Ky leans down next to me with a cup of tea. The smell foreign and not accepting of my stomach.

"It's a recipe from my great grandmother. It should calm your nerves, maybe give you an appetite." I take it and give him a small smile. They all leave but Harry stays, Harry always is the last to leave. I have a feeling they all know about me and Harry, after months and months of me following Harry around like a puppy I think they are smart enough to put two and two together.

I set the tea down not daring to try it. I curl up in the love seat with my blanket I dragged down from upstairs. Harry clears his throat but I continue my stare into the fire. I can feel him staring, I can feel him stalking me, and I can feel my heart begging for him. I don't want to die, I don't want to leave this world without him. Even I know he would never choose me, follow me because the pain of losing me would be too great to go on. I am just his temporary fix for his needs and I will be replaced.

"You should drink this." He brings the cup back up to me and he sits on the floor in front of me, blocking my view of the fire. I look into his eyes and I know he sees the pain I'm holding in. "Please." For a moment I want to knock it out of his hand but instead like a submissive to her master I take it. I let the tea burn through my body as I take it all in on one go. "Do you want to talk about it?" He brings his knees to his chest and picks at his fingers.