Armed And Dangerous|| Kay Flock

23

Charmaine Riha-Anne Collins
Location| Bronx
Time|00:23 am

Warning: the following may be triggering for others as there is mention of self harm , trauma ,etc. just skip past it until Kay's POV if you are easily triggered or sensitive to these types of topics, love y'all.

"You keep saying you can't miss school knowing you dont een care about school" my mom spoke with a attitude cooking up something

"If you were a good or decent mother you'd be encouraging me to not miss school, you doing the exact opposite - bitch don't talk to me like I'm yo daddy or one of yo lil boyfriends" I was getting tired of my mom and her constant bullshit cause that is what this is 'bullshit' . She kept telling but I managed to tune her out

I kept quiet cause I know I tend to get disrespectful when I'm mad so being quiet was the better option before I get put out .

I went up the stairs "Chairmaine I'm talking to yo ass , you can't just fucking walk out you disrespectful piece of shit!"

The past few days have been crazy nothing has been going right , my mom was stressing me out , school was stressing me out and well I felt like I was being driven to insanity

I haven't really been talking to Tremani so the only person I could say I was talking to was Ashlee, and i decided I didn't want to trauma dump on her since we had just met in person 3 days ago.

I got into my room locking the door , I was so glad I finally bought a functional door lock cause it was needed.

I took out my journal writing in it

Never have I ever
.....
Wanted to kill myself more than now.

Lately all this bullshit, is making me feel
.... Idk how to feel , I thought that at this point I'd be numb but no , I'm not numb yet but at the same time I feel like I need to feel something either than emotional pain and a whole Lotta nothingness

Slowly I think I'm relapsing, dear future me I'm sorry for all the scars and trauma.

Day 1 I'm back at it ..... Again ....

I took off my hoodie taking out a razor blade looking myself in the mirror, I could feel my tears burning at my eyes, I blinked and cut , right there on my tiny little right wrist my tears falling onto the freshly cut wound .

You'd probably be disappointed, if you're not then I am , I am extremely disappointed in myself, I had made a promise to myself that I wouldn't relapse, I was doing so well but well not anymore.

After a few more cuts I felt content, I felt like what I did was right , the physical pain helps me drive away my thoughts from all the emotional pain , I enjoyed this typa pain , not sure why tho but I did .

After a few long minutes of writing in my journal then taking a shower I started texting Ashlee

Ash cash.🌹

You awake?

Yeah don't you got school
tomorrow/ today?😭