Loving Mr. Collins

Chapter 13

"Dad?" I ask in disbelief.
"Hello, Abigail."
"What are you doing here? And how did you know I was here?"
"I came here to talk to both of you. And I knew because your mother and I share everything."
I groan.
"Mom."
"No, I'm glad she told me. Can I come in?"
"Sure."
My dad walks in. Chris has the same shocked reaction when he sees him.
"Alan," he says.
"Hello, Christopher."
"Please sit down."
"Thank you."
He sits down at the dining table. Chris looks at me. I shrug silently with one shoulder as of to suggest that we should go along with it. We head into the dining room and sit at the table.
"I came because I wanted to talk to both of you," he begins.
"By all means," Chris says.
"I'm just going to lay it all out on the table for lack of a better term. I don't approve of this relationship any more than I did eight years ago. However, Debra reminded me that you're both adults who will make their own decisions even if we disapprove. I can see that you're set on building a life together, so I want to try and understand what the deal is."
"What the deal is?" I repeat with confusion.
"Yes."
"Well, the deal is that I'm happy in this relationship. I agreed to live with him, so yes. I could still see all of it in the future."
"That's not what I meant. I want to understand the dynamic. How can you make it work after knowing what you experienced?"
"It comes rather easily for me. I've never stopped caring about her. I dare say that my feelings have only deepened. I'm well aware of what I did. However, we were at different places in our lives when I was released and still want to be together," Chris says.
"It's the same for me. I will say that it was obviously an adjustment at first. I was with my friends when I saw him again and had that little freak out of knowing that he was back. It didn't stop me from still having feelings for him. It became easier when I thought of it as simply picking up where we left off as he called it. These are things that we would've done otherwise," I say.
"Okay. I guess that makes sense. I'm also wondering why you went after my daughter in the first place," my dad tells Chris.
"Dad."
"It's fine," Chris assures me.
"No really. Couldn't you find a beautiful woman your own age?" Dad continues.
"I suppose so. I guess it was more of a forced proximity type of situation. We were spending time together because of the class and it just kind of happened from there."
Suddenly, I feel a lump in my throat, making it hard to swallow. I can't believe what I'm hearing.
"So, you only formed an interest in her because you were around her regularly?" Dad repeats.
"Yes. My feelings became real over time as we continued to see each other."
"I see. Thank you. That clears it up a bit."
"Sure."
"Well, I just wanted to discuss it like I said. I'm not thrilled about this but you're going to do what you're going to do. I wanted to do this now in case you continue to make big changes in your lives. It gives me time to get used to the idea."
"I understand."
My dad looks at us.
"Okay. I'm going to go now. It was good to talk about this with you both."
"Yeah," Chris says.
I smile silently.
Chris shows him out politely and shuts the door. I clear my throat and stand up. I hold onto the chair after I push it in. He returns to the dining room.
"I didn't expect that but I'm glad we talked about it," he says.
"Mhm."
He look at me.
"Are you okay?"
"Yup."
"Can you give me more than one word answers?"
"Nope."
He sighs.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Abby," he pleads.
"Fine. I'm hurt that you only liked me because you were forced to be around me. Apparently, that's the reason that we're here now."
"That's not what I meant."
"Yes it is. He asked you twice and you confirmed it."
"Okay, yes. It is the reason why I ended up being attracted to you. However, it has nothing to do with the feelings that came with it."
"What?"
"I became attracted to you because we spent time together. But it didn't mean that I would fall for you or want to end up with you. I don't understand why this is upsetting you so much."
"Because that's the reason for all this. If you hadn't asked to see my poetry or if I wasn't in your class, none of this would've happened. It'd be like hating water but having to drink it because it was right there and you were thirsty."
He puts his hands on my arms.
"Baby. I hear you. But please listen to me. Even if that was the reason, it doesn't change anything. It'd be the same thing as getting with someone because of a first date. The reason why they met doesn't change the outcome. They simply made a decision about what they wanted afterwards. That's what I did. Do you get what I'm saying?"
I sigh.
"Yes. It was just hard to hear."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I just got upset because that was the reason. We didn't meet because we went on a first date or any normal reason that people start dating. I often wish that it was."
"Oh."
He drops his arms and walks away.
"Did I upset you now?" I ask with confusion.
"A little."
"What did I say?"
"You implied that you wished this never happened."
"When did I say that?"
"Just now. You said that you often wish that we had met for a normal reason. We obviously didn't, so the rest is implied."
"What?"
He sighs.
"Let me just put it this way. Do you regret dating me yes or no?"
I stare at him with my mouth hung open. He waits silently for my answer.