The Secret Lover (L'amante segreto)

The first letter

March 12th

“Since the day we did it for the first time, I can't help but think about you. Those kisses of ours, those caresses of ours greedily fill my thoughts. Your sweet gaze on me, you touching my cheeks with your red enameled fingers. I feel like I'm living a dream, Julia. I thought it was a carnal, sexual attraction... but it's more than that. It was beautiful, and I can't wait for a second time, and then a third, a fourth, and again, over time. Blessed be that destiny that brought us together. With you everything seems so different to me. So… real. I want you to understand how much this means to me. And I hope it's the same for you. Because if it's not, Julia, I'll do anything. I will throw myself into the arms of the Devil, and sell my soul to him. I will run forever until I reach you. I will live in the shadows so that I can one day see your intense light. Nothing makes sense to me anymore except you, Julia. Nothing makes sense anymore if you are not at the center. And no matter how far I go, no matter how many obstacles appear before me. Because I know that in the end I will find you, I know that you will be there at the end, smiling waiting for me. And I come to meet you, enjoying the end of a profound journey, which has you as the coveted final prize. I don't care about the fears and difficulties I will face, I don't care about people's looks and words, I don't care about the thoughts of a man who says he loves you, and drowns this love in alcohol. I am not interested. I love you, Julia. I love you deeply. I love you like autumn loves leaves. I love you, Julia.”

The most absolute silence around him. David literally went glassy-faced. And he couldn't move a muscle. All his miserable certainties were shattered like shards of glass from a whiskey bottle. A thousand thoughts, a thousand sentences, a thousand words echoed in his head.

It was eighteen forty-one minutes. David was sitting in the chair. The torso was bent forward, the elbows pressed on the thighs, and the fingers drew small circles on the temples.
He was shocked.
Julia had a lover.
This idea, during the three months that had passed since her disappearance, had never crossed his mind. And not even before. When, due to his alcoholism problems, their relationship had suffered major setbacks.
But that wasn't the case now. Everything seemed different to him. The long delays. Unnecessary worries. And his mind elsewhere. God, what a fool he had been. He brought his right hand to his face. And he rubbed it harshly on his face. The eyes became shiny, and several tears fell copiously from the man's eyes. David exploded into tears without pause or worry. He clenched his hands tightly into fists and let out a liberating scream of pain and desperation. Added to the death of his beloved was the bitter discovery of the presence of a man who had desecrated her, and who claimed to love her. An unscrupulous affront. As if he wasn't suffering enough. For the first time since that damned day, a conviction that had not yet touched him until then transpired in the man's mind. What appeared to everyone, including him, as an accident, could have been a brutal crime with passionate implications.
David's gaze filled with courage, and having dried the tears on his face, he picked up the phone and dialed Mick's office number.
“Hello, Mick Mitchum, Sheriff of Rosewood County, who is this?”
“Mick it's me, Dave, I need to talk to you.”
“Dave, man how are you doing? Look... I'm a little messed up now. How about we have a couple of beers at Spencer's later?
Dave sighed.
“No Mick, I need to talk to you now.”
Mick inhaled through his nose. He couldn't stand being contradicted like this. Not even if it was Dave. From the height of his charge, he puffed out his chest and spoke.
“Dave, I already told you I'm bloody messed up. We have to go and recover the body of a poor guy who overturned his car on the 116.”
Mick's voice became calmer.
“Why don't we go have a few beers at Spencer's? I pay. So you can have some fun. Otherwise you will continue to hole up in that hole for at least another twenty years.”
There were a few seconds of silence. Then Mick continued.
"At that time?"
“I'm here,” David replied seriously.
“Perfect, I'll pick you up at nine.”
When he hung up, David regretted having accepted. The last thing he wanted was to spend an evening in the company of a bear like Mick, and perhaps in the company of some easy girl. But she needed to talk to him. She needed him. He was the only one who could reopen the case.