THE FLOW

Issue #005

Hot97 pushes Mary J Blige out of the tiny radio speakers at the edge of my desk as I rest in a daze, fantasizing about a man I get to call my boyfriend. Never known to be an over-thinker, my mind flips the script on me as my dreams turn to nightmares with every passing minute we don't speak. Calling him for the second time today, I can feel my panic beginning to ensue.

"Hey," I sweetly greet, glancing around to assure I won't be caught making a personal call on my office phone. "It's Lenetta again. I'm just calling to let you know you're on my mind... I'm still at work until four so, if you want to call me back then that's where I am."

I set the phone down with a gentle click of it reconnecting to its home-base. Nibbling on my bottom lip, I can feel my worries swelling. I feel like he's been avoiding me. His absence over the course of these last four days has left me feeling uneasy. No real explanations, only cancellations and short phone calls. How much my security in our union dropped in the last 24 hours is a plummet to someday be studied by the best of the bests.

As I stare into the abyss the outside world would call my computer screen, I struggle to find the focus I know I'd need to complete my work. Five sentences are written in ten minutes as my brain begs me to stop trying to ignore the subject plaguing me the worst of them all. A split second of relief comes when the chirping device plugged in the socket providing my office with a landline connection goes crazy. Head snapping to the phone, my hand moves quicker than I could've ever premeditated. My speed is a primal reaction.

"Hello?"

"I just got your message," Jared says. My chest explodes as I exhale my relief through my nose, falling in my seat. "My bad, my bad—"

Kicking off my pumps underneath my desk, I have to laugh to keep my earned reputation somewhat in tact. "Hey!" My smile is from the heart. "You had me thinking I did something and didn't know it."

"Nah, nah!" His laughter provides me with a deep sense of comfort. "I just—" His sigh comes with the sound of him running his hand across his face. "It's a whole lot goin' on and I'm tryna get this thing in order and all'at."

Naturally, I feel inclined to request the details regarding his statement. Yet, I know how much I'm missing him and that overrules all of my nosey journalistic qualities. I can get him face to face to first. Then, I'll ask what's going on.

"Oh, well, do you want to go to dinner tonight?" After my first suggestion, a million other ones come flowing in. I manage to spit out the next two on my list without a single breath taken. "Or catch a movie? Maybe we can go buy that video game you and Static were talking about and do that."

"I can't," Jared apologetically shoots down. "I gotta whole buncha' stuff I still gotta do."

The levy breaks and I decide I'm ready to know what's keeping my boyfriend so preoccupied right now. "Like what," I softly question, not wanting to press too hard to come off overzealous.

"You don't even know, boo. It's a whole thing with—" A loud crash can be heard behind my boyfriend's words. It's so alarming that even I almost jump. "What the fuck?" The rattling against the phone leaves so much space for my imagination to run ramped that I choose to stay still, reaching to keep my sanity in check. "He did what?"

"Jared?"

"I gotta go, Lenetta. I just ain't want you thinkin' I forgot about you, boo. I'ma call you back later if I can!"

If he can, he'll call me back later.

I try to tell myself my jitters are unnecessary. I try to tell myself I'm overthinking in the same way I'd tell Nelly she was. If Jared all of a sudden wasn't interested in being with me, I like to think he'd tell me. Yet, he couldn't find the time to tell me whether or not he was avoiding me and now that I know he was— kind of, but still was— I don't know why... Simply because he couldn't find the time.