THE FLOW

Issue #006

"I have something to tell you but I don't want you to get mad at me, okay?"

His face remains frozen in its natural position though his eyes cut me with a soft squint from the driver's seat. His hood hanging off of his head so he can see down Vernon as traffic begins to slow down after the morning rush. I push my bangs from my face glancing out of my window as I take a breath before I make my confession.

I don't know if now is the best time to disclose my collected information. After splitting almost two months ago, our cousins have taken another step in the direction of completely removing themselves from one another's lives. As if they are still connected on a deeper level, they've both asked Jared and I to collect and return their items from one another's spaces within the same week. We aim to knock down two birds with a single stone. The leak came from my own actions but I haven't had time to talk to my boyfriend about it. A heartfelt phone call with my cousin, Nelly, brought forth a series of emotions and as we connected on a new level about what it's been like for the two of us to be our only biological family in New York City for the last couple of years... I felt inclined to confess my romantic whereabouts. In the heat of the moment, I channeled Dalvin, and made my relationship status known.

Now, I have to deal with my next set consequences and fire the flare Jared may need before we get to Nelly's home.

"What you do?"

"Nelly knows we're together," I admit. His jaw unhinges and as his lip curls inward to speak, I jump back in to add further context to my confession. "She said she isn't mad. You know she loves you."

An eyebrow perching, a single hand steering his Nissan Maxima, his eyes jump between the road and I. "She not mad?"

"No," I assure.

"She not mad?"

Head shaking from left to right, I make sure he knows that I've double checked her feelings to the best of my ability. I've checked her temperature on our circumstances a few times since and, from what I've been able to see, she's not angry. What she is, however, is slightly uncomfortable. The shift in her tone, the wavering smile she tries to keep strong when I say his name. All signs point to hurt feelings she doesn't want to disclose. I can't mend her broken heart and though it shatters my own to know my happiness adds another rain cloud to her storm, there isn't much I can do. She's not angry, but her feelings are very visibly hurt.

"That's cool 'cause De know too. I was just waiting to figure out how to tell you."

Neck flexing back, earrings dangling down to my shoulder, I attempt to digest the statement made. "What?" My mouth lightly agape, I don't know whether to be relieved or terrified. "Wait, what?"

His answer is simple.

"Dalvin," he dismissively says, head shaking in disappointment though he isn't surprised. "De back to bein' De without Nel so that nigga had him a whole attitude. He tried to act like he was gone shake it off but he gone need a minute 'cause he was not fuckin' with it." I have to sigh. "So I'ma have to go in the house to get Nel's shit by myself."

Nothing left to say, I turn away to look back out of the window. I bite down on my lip in the moments of trying to gather my thoughts. I'm not surprised that Nelly's so much more understanding than DeVante. What I am is concerned about how to move forward with the both of them.