If I could say goodbye to you

CHAPTER 10

"Infection?" I heard my mother's voice coming from the other room. My dad said something I couldn't hear properly, so I stuck my ear closer to hear better.

I don't know what happened after I fainted, but when I regained consciousness, I stumbled upon Uncle Keller's infirmary, my father's doctor friend. And after that, things got quiet. Everyone pretended as if nothing had occurred.

Their room's door suddenly opened, taking away the support I was getting by leaning on it.

"What are you doing here?"

I passed a tentative smile to my dad and stood up.

He wasn't pleased, but his face didn't show even a hint of anger either. In fact, he looked tired. "Dad- what did Uncle Keller say to you?"

"As I said, you're fine." In disappointment, I lowered my head and stared at the ground, but I could still feel my parent's gaze on me.

"There is no need to lie." I heard my dad sigh in defeat.

Grabbing my hand, he made me sit next to Mom. He messed up my hair and gave me a quick look back over my shoulder at my mother as if he was asking her for her opinion.

"Keller suggested- that you should have surgery." My mom breaks the ice which made my dad cursed behind me. But really, a surgery?

"Why?" I asked.

"Maybe there is an infection." My dad says." And if there is, then you must take surgery." I froze, and they noticed it.

"You don't need to worry about a thing," My dad took my hand while my mom rested her hand on my shoulder. "Just trust your dad." He murmured under his breath before standing and exiting the room.

I am sure he is going to be tearful now. My mother had some tears in her eyes too, but I couldn't see her cry, so I left the room without saying a word.

But even after turning around and facing the other way in my bed, I couldn't sleep. I am not sure how to react to what happened today. My mind is filled with so many questions that I don't know how to answer.

Maybe that's why I suddenly found myself holding my sketchbook now, a great distraction. But what should I draw? A cat? An illustration? I have no idea.

Are you home safe?

It was a text from Aster. He was finally awake, though I didn't want to make him worry by telling him what happened, so I didn't reply. I'll talk to him later. I leaned forward, placed my head between my knees, and began swiping through the pictures on my phone.

There are so many pictures, yet I'm in hardly any of them. I never enjoyed having my photo taken, but I couldn't help but smile when I saw our first date photos. I am pleased with the pictures I have taken because we look good together, especially Aster.

Suddenly it occurred to me that I should try to make a portrait of him. So I sat down with my sketchbook again and drew. Though I am not very good at making portraits, I am still trying my best, not for myself, but for him.

As I began to draw, I only looked for perfection in my work. I've torn so many pages off, so I can redraw him in better. As I said before, I can't do portraits very well, but when I examined what I just finished, I felt happy. I drew him.

If someone saw this, they would ask, is it Aster?

A warm smile spread across my cheeks as I imagined his response to my artwork. Yet my smile flattened when he declared his intention to return to Seattle, saying it was time for him to start his new life there.

"You can come with me," Aster suggested.

"You can't be serious, can you?" I asked in disbelief. What is he thinking?

"I don't want to go without you," he mumbled. His thumb was caressing my hand, and his eyes adoring our hands. "We can even move there together. Just say yes." Now, he was gazing at me, hoping to hear what he wished for, but I avoided his gaze.

"I'm sorry, Aster," I replied softly, "I cannot do that."

I could tell he was disappointed without even looking at him. Yet, he only asked, why?

"I'm sorry, but I just don't think I can join you -"

"Why not, Claire? We were both so lucky to get the scholarship. Why are you backing off now?" He wanted to yell but he didn't for my sake.

When he showed up at my door, he was so happy to announce that we got scholarships. But now he is devastated, and I feel responsible for it.

I am feeling so awful to face him, to break our promise. We had worked so hard on this- I never thought I would become a burden on him.

Tears are forming in my eyes and slowly sliding down my face, which he seems to notice. "Claire?" He scooped me closer " I am sorry, I am really sorry," he says.

But it was too late for me to stop me from sobbing.

Claire, you need to pull yourself together.

"Aster," he faced me. "I - don't have many days left."