You Don't Know Me (n.h)

Prologue

Love.

Love is the one word that every single person in this world uses as if it's nothing.

Love has such a deep meaning, a meaning that you just can't seem to describe to someone else. Pure bliss, serenity, passion. Not even words like those can describe the feeling.

Have you ever tried to show the one that you love just how much you care for them? Do you ever get frustrated because no matter how much you tell them that you love them and try to physically show them your compassion, it just doesn't feel like enough. You want to give them something more. Something more than love. And you get frustrated because you love that person so much that you can't put it into words.

Well, guess what?

I have never felt that way.

Sure, I've had my fair share of guys in my life. But I have never fell in love or told someone that I loved them.

I felt that it wouldn't be fair to them or to me to lie. The relationship would usually end as soon as the guy would tell me they love me. I wouldn't say it back and then things would get extremely awkward. Then the guy would get confused and embarrassed and start asking me a bunch of questions on why I won't say "I love you" back. Like this one time with my ex boyfriend Luke.

~~

Luke had taken me on a date late at night to the pier near my house. It was the perfect "date type setting". It wasn't too dark, the moonlight seeping through the night sky, hitting the ocean water just right making it glow.

We walked up the boardwalk hand in hand, just admiring the scenery.

"Come with me", he pulled me over to the edge of the boardwalk and started taking off his shirt.

"What in the actual fuck are you doing?"

"How does a late night swim sound to you?" He smiled at me. He is fucking crazy if he thinks I am getting in water that is probably below 30 degrees right now.

"Your joking right? It is probably freezing and I don't even have a bathing suit!" I said to him, my teeth chattering just looking at the water.

"You can wear my T-shirt if you want. Come on it'll be fun! Live a little bit, Tori!" He smirked at me, handing me his shirt as he takes off his shoes and pants.

Just as I was about to ask him to turn around, he jumped into the water. I quickly took off my sweater and skinnies and threw on Luke's shirt. It came half way down my thighs, at least it covered everything.

I sat down on the edge and dipped my feet into the water.

"Oh my god this is freezing!" I finally put both my legs in the water, shivering like crazy. I felt something tickle my foot, then a pull on my leg. I screamed just as Luke pulled me completely into the water and pulled me under.

"Luke, oh my god! I can't believe you did that!" I squealed as we surfaced the water, laughing a little bit.

Instead of answering me, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against his bare chest. I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my forehead against his.

"I love you so much, Tori."

In that moment, I froze.

I looked away awkwardly and pulled back slightly. "Um... Thank you."

"Thank you? That's what you have to say right now, is 'thank you'?" He pulled away from me completely and looked at my face. He looked hurt and embarrassed. I felt so bad, but I just couldn't say it back to him. I like him a lot. I haven't ever cared this much for a guy before, but I'm not in love with him.

"I'm so sorry, Luke. I just- I'm just not really ready for this step in our relationship, I guess." I stuttered to him, playing with ends of my hair awkwardly.

"We've been dating for almost a year now and you don't know if you love me yet?" He looked so upset and now slightly angry.

"I haven't ever told a man that I love him before, Luke. This is hard on me too, believe me, but I'm not ready to say that yet if I don't truly mean it. I'm so sorry."

I know that my words had hurt him, I could see it on his face. His emotions are easy to read. I could see the wheels turning in his head.

He pulled me close to him again and sighed heavily. I awkwardly put my arms around him, not really sure what to do.

"I don't want you to feel like you have to say something you're not sure of. Just know that I love you and I care about you so much, Tori. Take you're time", he said as he placed a chaste kiss onto my forehead.

~~

Basically, about a month after that we ended up breaking up. He would start getting angry with me over little things and would constantly throw it in my face that I don't say "I love you". Considering it was only a month since he told me to take my time, he definitely wasn't giving me any time. I felt like there was something else behind it though. Like he was keeping something from me.

I started coming to the conclusion that I was never going to find love and that I'd live in the basement of my parents home for the rest of my life. Actually that doesn't sound half bad. No rent, free food, and a dog to cuddle with. Maybe I don't need love. I won't have to deal with the drama which saves me the stress. Maybe all I need right now is to focus on myself and school.

"No more boys", I thought to myself.

Until one day...