Samson

Two

Chucking my keys on the side table, I avoid the mirror hanging in the hall. I don't think I've looked directly at my own reflection in a long time, but I still manage to catch a glimpse of some severe raccoon eyes. Is that really me? Do I really look so tired, so sad? 

"Lily?" My name drifts down the hall. In the kitchen, I put a plate of leftover spaghetti in the microwave and fill a glass with cold water from a jug in the fridge. I open the door to my Dads bedroom, he's sitting up in his ratty old recliner watching his tiny TV.
"Why don't you sit in the living room?" I ask, handing him the glass. "The TV is nicer."
"It's warmer in here." He coughs slightly, as if to remind me that he is not well. "With the door shut. The living room is too drafty." 

The whole house is freezing no matter where you're sitting but I don't argue with him. I pull his old knitted blanket off the end of his bed and tuck it around his legs. He cranes his neck around me so he can still see the television. "That's better," he says, and I can't help but notice he doesn't say thank you. He never does, but it still stings. 

The microwave dings in the kitchen and I fetch his dinner, arranging the plate of spaghetti and knife and fork on his dinner tray, so he can eat in his room. I put the tray on his lap and tuck a napkin under his chin like he's a child, but he doesn't seem to mind and it's me who is saved the task of getting spaghetti sauce stains out of his pyjamas.

Once the dishes are washed and the kitchen is clean, I head to my room and collapse on my bed.
"Today was a long day," I sigh to Randall, my stuffed blue chicken plushie. "Do you think I'm going to be a check out chick at Jojamart forever?" I stare into his little button eyes, as if I'm waiting for a response. When I was a child I really was waiting. I thought if I was just patient enough with him, let him know that he could really trust me, that he would answer me. It hasn't happened yet but there's no denying he's an excellent listener. 

I roll over and check my phone but there's nothing, not even spam. Suddenly, I'm biting back tears. Is this all my life is going to be?