Secrets

Bittersweet Symphony

It was the night before Calvin, Jasper, and the rest were scheduled to leave, and the two boys' bags lay side by side on top of the still untouched bed that sat a few feet from theirs. Calvin sat on the mattress beside Jasper, scrolling through a Tumblr feed while Jasper read from the book he'd taken with him. He adjusted his glasses and flipped to the next page, gaining Calvin's attention each time he did so. He snuck a peek at the title on the front, and it was labeled "Terra Incognita" in large, bold writing, the second part of the title obscured by Jasper's hand. Another page turned, another picture scrolled past.

Calvin sighed for a moment, clicking off his phone and leaning his head on the palm of his hand. He stared at Jasper, his hazel eyes flicking back and forth, widening and softening, a small quirk of a smile or frown. He bit his bottom lip, turning the page as he continued to read more of the novel. Calvin smiled a little; he was always amused with Jasper's mannerisms while thinking he wasn't being watched. Jasper breathed out, whispering a small utterance of surprise, using a finger to put himself back on track. He closed the book momentarily, wiping an eye and turning his head to the side, expecting to see Calvin still scrolling. When he met Calvin's intent stare, he flinched, startled, and his glasses slipped a little from their place.

"You scared me," he said softly, opening the book again. "Geez, don't stare like that..."

Calvin smiled at him and leaned in to read over his shoulder. "You're so pretty though." Jasper looked at him like he was crazy. "Like in a manly way, totally. You've just...you're so pretty, but not in a girly way. Would attractive be a better word?"

"I don't know, you're the one making the compliment," Jasper replied, blushing lightly as he read on.

Calvin kissed Jasper's cheek and scooted closer. "Well either way, then. What're you reading, hm?"

"The first book in the Terra Incognita series... It's kind of dramatic," he answered. "But I like it, it's really good."

"You should let me read it after you," he told him.

"You want to read this?" He placed the paper bookmark between the pages and felt the weight in his hand. "It's kind of confusing at first."

"I can read what I want," he replied. After smiling, he sprawled out onto the bed on his back, staring at the ceiling. "We should get to sleep."

"Can I finish this chapter?" Jasper questioned, looking back at him with those big, childish eyes of his. "Please?"

"Fine. But I'm watching the pages. It's like eleven and I'm so tired right now, not even kidding," he crossed his arms behind his head and turned his attention to Jasper's book. After a moment he sighed, thinking before speaking. "Jasper I need to know something."

"What?" he answered distractedly, still reading.

"Are you still scared of me?" he asked. Jasper immediately turned to him in shock. "Because sometimes...I don't know, sometimes when I touch you, or talk to you, or look at you, you flinch...or you look uncomfortable... I feel...I feel like the fact that I used to hurt you makes me think that you think I might again."

"No, I'm not scared of you... I'm just jumpy... And..." He tried to explain himself. In all truth, he was still a bit scared of Calvin. He was the violent type, soft but with anger. Caring, but passionate. Loving, but...but not fully trusted. "Okay. You used to hurt me... Emotionally, physically, whatever. So...yeah of course I'm jumpy around you... But I love you, and I don't think you'd hurt me. The thought scares me more than the past, and I've only just now started living in the present. To be honest there were a few times when I thought that..."

"That what?"

"...Well Kaisyn's not exactly the kind of girl who would...you know...do that kind of thing... So...I thought for only a few mere moments a few times that maybe you just...kind of got tired of that and took advantage of my inability to get into a relationship..."