the honoured and the fallen | gojo satoru x reader

nightmares

another mission with satoru, you were beginning to enjoy it because it was also bonding time with him. slowly, life felt more… enjoyable somehow.

“heard it's a special grade curse so stick close to me” he grinned as you scoff.
“you could blast it away in no time”
“that, you're right”

“but something's fishy about this mission” satoru peered as he lifted the ends of his blindfold. the blindfold you got him.

suddenly, a swarm of curses appeared left and right surrounding the two of you. although they were mostly grade 2 and below there were so many that it was hard to get rid of quickly.

satoru held you by your waist and pulled you closer, wrapping you both in his infinity so that no curse could get to you.

“is this done by the special grade curse? or are these individual curses?!”
“hm…” satoru looked around and smirked. “wanna see my domain?”

“infinite void??” your eyes beamed as you were excited to see it.
“exactly” he chuckled and brought his fingers together.
“y/n!” you heard a voice call as you looked around.

“mimiko?? nanako?” your stare in horror as they stood among the curses.
“help!” one of the girls shouted as you pry yourself off of satoru's grasp and rushed towards them.

several curses held you in place and you couldn't break free because you could not use your cursed technique. you scream as your eyes searched for the girls who were now nowhere to be seen.

satoru quickly got rid of them and held your shoulders, shaking you back to reality.
“y/n?? what the hell are you doing??”

“mimiko nanako they … they were-”
“they weren't! you're seeing things” he said, holding your shoulders.
“no! they were there. they're here somewhere” you sobbed as you glanced around the room desperately, the curses had gone. satoru had exorcised each and every one of them.

“y/n.” satoru said firmly, making you look at him.
“trust me when i say this, they were not here. the only traces of cursed energy i sensed were from the curses i exorcised. if they were here, i'd know.”

your eyes locked and only then you realised he had taken off his blindfold which was now hanging around his neck.
“then how…?”

“optical illusions and hallucinations. mind games. that's the special grade’s ability. it messed with your head. don't worry, i got rid of it.” he gently ran his fingers through your hair, calming you.

you let out a deep sigh and quickly rub away the tears you shed.
“and it didn't affect you?”
“no”
of course. he was gojo satoru after all.

“im sorry” he whispered, his gaze never left yours as he caressed your head gently.
“it's not your fault” you pull away from his touch.
“lets head back.”

—

“you left us” the blonde girl, nanako said angrily while her dark haired sister stared at you blankly.
“girls please i swear i didnt-”
“you left geto”

“please no… i would never-”
“but you did. and for gojo satoru out of all people.” mimiko said harshly.

“i didn't have a choice!”
“yes you did!” they both screamed in unison in a demonic like voice.
“people died fighting for geto and his ideals. even he died why should you get to live?” they both walked towards you, their eyes burning.

“why should you live? why are you living?” the closed in on you, suffocating you.
“stop!” you suddenly sat up in your bed, mimiko and nanako nowhere to be seen.

a nightmare.

you've been having nightmares ever since that mission with satoru, figures of the girls and sometimes even suguru haunting you, the souls of the people you murdered reminding you of your deeds.

satoru must have noticed because he had been sticking even more closer to you than he already is. and well, the eyebags and dark circles you had didn't help either, you looked like panda’s distant cousin.

at that point you didn't even want to sleep anymore. so, like a zombie, you dragged your way to the training field as the students had hand to hand combat training today.

“you look dead” maki started.
“might as well be…”
“kidssss train among yourselves today, y/n sensei and i have some stuff to do” satoru interrupted.

“of course you do” maki grumbled as she walked away to train with toge and panda.
“what are we doing?” you ask as he just grinned.

he took you to the back of the school, a place all too familiar to you. there was a big tree under which you guys used to sit and nap back in your student days, along with suguru.

he took a seat under that same tree and patted next to himself, gesturing you to sit and you hesitantly did.

leaning against the huge tree trunk you sigh as the soft breeze reminded you of the best summers you've had in your life with satoru and suguru by your side.

you closed your eyes and slowly drifted to sleep, all the hours of staying up catching up to you.
then again, the nightmares came and you woke up, breath hitching.

“shh, im here.” satoru gently held your hands and you realise your head is resting against his shoulder. you didn't move and just stared blankly at your intertwined hands.

you shut your eyes again as he pulled you into his embrace. you felt safe in it. none of you say anything and just sit in silence.

after a while you sat up and scooted away and sighed. to your surprise, satoru eliminated the distance between you both and gently took your hand, unwrapping the talisman around your wrist.

“what are you doing?”
“unwrapping this”
“why?”
“i trust you.”

“don't.”
he paused a bit but then continued unwrapping it until it's all gone.
“didn't you hear me? i said don't”

his hands hadn't let go of yours as his gaze went from your wrist to your face.
“i already do. always have.”

you stared into his blindfold as he continued.
“i was just following whatever those old geezers said to do because that was the only way i could have you away from their trail.”

“well” you stood up and took the talisman, wrapping it around your wrist again stubbornly.
“now that ive… napped im teaching your students something, unlike you”

satoru frowned and stood up alongside you “they're your students too you know”
“right.” you walked towards the training ground.

“oh right. new first years are coming up soon!” satoru caught up to you.
“really?”
“mhm and megumi is super excited he's jumping around screaming crying-”

you gave him a side glare as you did not believe a word.
“alright he does not show it but i know he's super excited. he's been asking about you too”
“he has?” a fond smile found itself on your lips.
“definitely has. the kid likes you a lot.”

“does he not know about my past?” you chuckle but satoru doesn't. he stops walking as you look back at him.

the gravity of your words only hit you then. you have murdered people, innocent people, lots of them. that fact will never change or go away no matter how much you want it to.

wait. do you want it to? did you regret following suguru?

you turn away and head to class silently.

𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃

y/n kinda stubborn :P