All the credit for this one goes to The-Demon-Queen . Their the one who introduced me to this song and Beth Crowley in the first place. I Suggest listening to it or the story might net make sense. It's called This Goodbye.
I light the next match and blow it out. Then The next one. Then the next one. "Felix, what are you doing." Ken asks.
"My world caught fire, he's the one who lit the spark." I replied."now I'm playing with matches all alone, here in the dark."
"Felix..."
"I had too learn the hard way that salvation has its price. I'll never forgive myself that he was the sacrifice."
"You need to get over him."
"But I can't bring myself to say goodbye. I walk with my head up, say I'm fine, but that's a lie."
"Then stop looking at pictures of him. You're hurting yourself." He says and takes the stack that was laying by my feet.
"His face will always haunt me..." I trail off. "It's my comfort and my curse."
"I can't imagine any feeling could be worse." Ken says softly and pats my shoulder.
"God! This goodbye!" I yell as my tears fall.
"It'll be ok."
"Sometimes... Sometimes the guilt inside becomes to much to bare."
"Then why have you stopped seeking redemption."
"I just don't have the will to care."
"It's ok." He sits next to me and wraps his arm around my back to comfort me.
"I-I know I should be stronger, 'cause I think that's what he'd want. He'd be so ashamed if he could see the nothing I've become."
"No he wouldn't. He's understand."
"But I can't bring myself to say goodbye." I stand up and hold my head high. "I say I'm fine, but I'm a lie!"
"His face will only haunt you."
"But it's my comfort and my curse."
"And I can't imagine that any could be feeling could be worse than this goodbye." He says and hugs me.
I lay in bed that night, trying to fight off the images of my one and only's death. It doesn't work of course. I can see us in the chaotic battlefield, hiding behind a truck. He grabs my hand and presses a kiss to my lips and tells me he loves me. That's when he sacrifices himself so I can get back to base.
"I'm so sorry that I couldn't save you." I whisper to the empty air. "I gladly would have taken your place."
Another memory, we sit in our bunk as another bomb goes off outside. I turn him towards me and make a promise I could never keep.
"I promised I would always protect you. But I broke every promise I made." I let a few more tears fall before I start to sob. "Pl-please don't leave me!" I say and as the tears continue. "I-I can't bring myself to say goodbye. I'll walk with my head up, say I'm fine... But that's a lie. Your face will always haunt me, it's my comfort and my curse. And I can't imagine any feeling could be worse, then this goodbye."
My words echo off the bare walls of our... My hut.
"This goodbye." They say.
I turn over and continue to cry. "Why Ryan?" Is all I say before drifting off to sleep.
A/N
Does this count? I have no clue. Oh well.
