The Love in your Eyes

VI | Forgiveness

MISAEL

Philip's happy laughter filled the carriage as he excitedly told Evangeline and me about his first day at the academy. His pudgy cheeks red from all the laughing and his brown hair slightly dishevelled as he eagerly told us about all the things he learned, the new friendships he made and everything that happened.

"Oh! And there was a girl whom I've gotten along with quite well, though she is two years older than me," exclaimed Philip enthusiastically as Evangeline softly ran her delicate fingers through the boy's hair, "her name is Rosalina de Nouva, she is from the Kingdom of Sanamié, her favourite colour is rose-pink and her hair is cut short, which is quite unusual for girls, but I really like it." Philip went on to talk about this mysterious Rosalina girl, whilst Evangeline and I looked at each other knowingly. It was clear as the day that our little Philie seemed to be harbouring some romantic feelings for Rosalina, which made me grin from ear to ear. This was exactly the reason why I wished for my son to go to the academy. I wanted him to make friends outside of the palace walls, learn about people from other lands and perhaps even learn about a whole new world of emotions he would never be able to experience if he stayed on the palace grounds.
"I wanted to ask you Mama, Father if I could invite her and my other friends to my birthday ceremony?" Now asked us Philip with hopeful eyes, whereupon we immediately agreed.
"I will inform Mister Laffon, so that he can sent invitations to your friends and make the right preparations for your ceremony." I smiled at Philip, happy that the boy was starting to warm around me. You are his hero. Evangeline's words ringed inside my head, as I listened to more stories Philip had to tell from his day, a heavy weight being lifted of my chest knowing he had enjoyed his day, made new friends and easily adapted to his new life.

Soon we arrived back at the Palace and quickly I made sure to inform Alexandre to make a list of Philip's friends that he wished to have attend his ceremony. And then followed Evangeline and Philip to have supper together, soon after Philip already went to bed, very much exhausted from the eventful day.
"Would you like to accompany me on a promenade in the gardens, Princess?" I asked Evangeline hopeful, whilst we left Philip's chamber after having wished him a good night. My wife shortly thought about it, then turned to me with a polite smile and nodded her head. Weirdly I was not happy about her agreeing, instead I felt guilty. What if she was agreeing solely because she felt obligated to do so? A pit grew in my stomach.
"You do not have to, if you do not wish to, Princess." I reassured my wife with a serious tone and frowned eyebrows. Again, she nodded, but this time slower, her shoulders slackening her smile softening.
"I would enjoy a promenade with you, Sire." This time I felt ease sweep through my body, hearing Evangeline's soft voice and seeing her soft smile.
So, we made our way to the gardens in the front of the palace facing south, as the gardens in the back were facing north were at this evening time much too cold, and I did not want for my wife to freeze or worse come down with a cold.

As we walked through the garden a comfortable and calming silence enclosed us, the fresh autumn wind blowing around us, the last birds chirping before they too would leave for the southern countries, all petals turning in orangish, reddish or brownish colours. It was beautiful and stress freeing to simply walk, nothing really on my mind as I heard the steps of Evangeline next to me. If I could, I would spend all my evenings this way, but this was sadly just wishful thinking, so the more I enjoyed this moment.
"I appreciate that you let me help you with the papers and documents today, Sire. I enjoyed the work quiet a lot." Evangeline's honey voice ripped me out of my thoughts. I looked at her with a pleased expression, at ease knowing that her helping me today was something she had enjoyed.
"I am even more thankful for your help, Princess. And I am looking forward to us continuing working together." I murmured softy distracted by russet eyes and an increasing genuine soft smile. In the past I had only ever been able to see Evangeline smile this softly and kindly at Philip, or her younger sisters. To now be on the receiving end of such a beautiful and charming smile, made me feel as though I could melt like ice on a warm summer day. My past self was not deserving of such a wonderful smile, he was not deserving of Evangeline, I was still not deserving Evangeline. How ever long it would take for me to get closer to Evangeline, to have her always look at me this way, smile at me this way and talk to me this way, I would wait. Always. Patiently and happily.

"Whatever nightmare it is you had Sire; I must admit that I am quite content with how it changed you." Bluntly admitted my wife with a bold glint in her eyes, and I could not do anything else other than let out a loud laugh, which caused for Evangeline to laugh as well.
"I am content the nightmare came to me as well." I laughed, whilst we halted nearly at the end of the garden.
We were now directly looking at one another, my eyes observing my wife's every move, enthralled with her.
"Evangeline," I called her name, expecting the surprised expression on the woman's face, "I must apologise to you. For how I have been behaving myself and treating you. You did not deserve any of it, Princess. I was unable to see how blessed by Baya I am to have such an exceptional wife by my side, a companion that I wish to never hurt again or ever loose. I hope that I have not hurt you too much, that I have been not too much of a shit husband to you. And I hope that perhaps one day you might forgive me for what I have done to you." The last sentence came out brokenly, my eyes never leaving Evangeline's, desperately searching for any indication of what she might be thinking or feeling.
"I have already forgiven you a long time ago, Sire," she breathed, a thoughtful but sad expression in her russet eyes, "but I fear that that is all I can offer you. My forgiveness. Nothing more, nothing less." She finished solemnly as she let out a deep breath.
"That is all I need, Princess." I quickly reassured my wife, relieved that she had already forgiven me. It indicated that we could at the very least be friendly with one another. Her forgiveness was a gift but also a stab in the heart. A constant reminder of what I had done or what I should have done.
"I believe it is getting too cold, shall we retrieve now? I would not like for you to catch a cold, Princess." I suggested whereupon Evangeline instantly nodded her head and so we made our way back inside the palace. On our way back we continued with a light conversation, content smiles, and I could not have been any happier to have my wife be this at ease with me. Especially when I remembered the ways we had constantly argued or fought with one another in the past. This was good. Very good.

Evangeline had retreated to her chambers while I was back in my study finishing up a few documents before I prepared a new binder in which I had decided I would write down everything that had taken place before I had woken up this morning. This was long due, and I already felt agitation fill me up the closer I got to finishing the documents. Strangely once I sat in front of the plain white papers thinking about the past... nothing came to me. But not because I could not remember, but because of the sheer number of memories that were overflowing my head. I did not know where to start or where to end. It was draining to have my entire past life flash in front of my eyes. I felt everything so vividly, it was scarring me. How is it even possible? But as dreading as it was, I continued to remember everything. With closed eyes, I faced my past.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧