IV. The Impact of Her

~ Thirty-Five ~

I broke down in tears as I heard her loving voice.

I kissed her hand before I looked back at her. "Mother," I sniffled as I held tightly onto her wrist.

"Why are there tears in your face again?" Mother asked as she wiped my cheeks dry.

I stared at her for a while to keep my emotions at bay. But Mother's gaze was soft yet persistent. She never took our denials as the truth. Most especially, when it was about our emotions.

James would ignore mostly anything that we said. But not Mother.

She would always encourage Elizabeth and me to be truthful with her. And whenever Mother looked at me in this manner, it made it even harder to conceal my emotions.

Slowly, Mother reached for my other hand and caressed my other cheek.

With that simple gesture, I crumbled.

I covered my eyes and sobbed. I laid my hand on the mattress whilst still holding onto Mother's wrist. As I released every single bit of emotion, her thumb caressed my hand.

Not a word escaped her lips. Mother simply gave me time for myself.

I silenced my cries. But the sound of my resolve - crumbling to pieces - was too loud. From the beginning of this matter, my world crashed before my very eyes. At first, I turned a blind eye to it, thinking that it would only paralyse me if I dwelled in it. It could trap me in a never-ending cycle of guilt and pain. I wouldn't be able to move forward.

And I was aware that it wasn't the best method to handle it. However, I didn't have much of a choice.

James almost crucified me for my actions. Mother had her own issues against him when she took my side. And Gonzalo wasn't much of a help at all. He was James' second head who bothered me at every turn. And after that, Grandpa Ben and Nana Olsa were dragged into this debacle. And they shouldn't have been involved.

Not only that, there was a debacle with the Royal Guard. Their hesitance to assist us and especially, their fallen comrades because of my lapse of judgement.

And how could I forget the bigger headache that James gave me with the pirates?

Somehow, Elizabeth was the only constant pillar during this crisis. And I hid my emotions from her as a way to protect her.

'Too much,' I thought to myself. 'Everything was just too much.'

Mother slowly retracted her hand. Instantly, I raised my head in a panic.

With the maids' assistance, Mother was able to sit up. They laid her back on a small tower of pillows behind her. "Kindly fetch some water for my son," Mother instructed one of the maids. She then turned back to me and patted the empty space beside her.

Slowly, I stood up and sat beside her. I sniffled and hid my face away from Mother.

But she slowly turned me around to face her. Mother cupped my face and wiped my tears with her thumbs. The maid returned with a cup of water.

"Have a sip, dear one," said Mother.

I shook my head.

Mother lightly tapped on my hand before she caressed it once more. "You need to drink some water. You just cried a river in this room," she insisted.

For a while, I continued to resist. But soon, I gave into her request and took the cup. I took a deep breath before I drank the cold liquid.

"Holding onto too much emotion will be the death of you," Mother remarked as I put the cup on her bedside table.