THE EMERALD MISERY

4. The Prejudice

Meredith
Present day

It's the same everday.
I see the same 4 walls, I do the same repetitive trainings, hear the same humiliating words uttered by the same people.
I don't remember the last time I saw the sunrise, or felt rain drops on the palm of my hands.
I don't remember the last time I was shown affection or when was the last time I saw someone appreciating me.
It's the same everday.
Sometimes I feel like I'm going insane.
But they remind me that I'm already insane
I'm the puppet of their puppet show.
What is my life worth.
Is it even worth something?
I don't remember when was the last time someone called me without any selfish intention.
I don't remember when was the last time someone loved me. Oh. I think they never did.
The monsters in my head are eating me alive. I can see them everyday making me revisit horrific memories. I can feel them crawl in the back of my head. Making me think that I'm the reason of everything bad that happens. Thats what everyone wants me to believe anyways. They want me to kill. They are testing my patience, and I'm afraid that I will let them win.
The monsters are a part of me.
Or not.
Maybe I'm a part of them.
Or maybe I'm becoming a part of them, by letting them in me. My head, my heart, in my every breath, in my every step, in my every cell, inside my veins.
The day they get out.
I'll bring doom.

I keep staring at the left over cake which Damon got for my birthday last night.
My head is spinning.
When someone knocks at the door.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"You're awake, darling" Andrew said with a grin.
I turned to the other side of my bed with my back facing him.
"Are you shy little bear?, I came to see you early morning, you know I'm not a morning person love, I came clearing my scedule just to spend some time with you on your special big day." He said with his annoyingly obnoxious voice. Great way to start a day.
"Just so you know Andrew, my 'big special day' was yesterday" i said finger quoting the word 'big special day' and mimicking his voice. Hoping he would be annoyed and go away.
"Oh" a disappointed voice, he's going. But could the universe ever digest the fact of me being in peace for a single god damn second?
"I planned the whole day for us, we could celebrate it today?" He's not getting out of my room any time soon.
"So you're coming with me?" This motherfucker.
"Can your little male ego handle the fact if a woman says no to your approach?"
He thought for a second
"No?" Is he dumb? Or did he not notice my choice of words with the perfect match of sarcastic tone.
What a waste of a perfect comeback.
"Time?" I asked him hastly with no interest of going out with him whatsoever.
"Well, maybe this evening? We could call it a date?, you're going to be my future wife anyways, no need of being shy around me"
Gosh the amount of narcissistic energy he carries that he puts Zeus to shame.
"We're not even engaged, dont get any ideas"
"Whatever you say, my lovely" he sung it, he winked, the audacity of him to actually wink.

Who on earth even gave him the idea of our marriage or even get close to me.
Me? Being the daughter in law of, Felix Heliot, who cheated on his bed ridden wife with my mother, is disgusting.

I went on living the same day I've been living on repeat.

And the phone rung.

"Meredith, Nolan is Dead"

And the world suddenly stopped spinning.