Doc?
"Yes, Melvin?"
Did I do it? Did I make it?
"..."
...
"Yes. You did. Good job.. Mel"
...
Thank you.
•••
SESSION 18: BREAKTHROUGH
•••
I'm done being sensitive.
I've been through enough to take the initiative.
I'm tired of constantly hiding.
Tired of feeling tired, making it tiring.
Can I open up to you?
Is it safe or not?
Can I tell you the truth?
Will you judge me for my past?
Will you judge me for my mistakes?
I feel uneasy, but not unsteady.
One thing you should know about me.
I'm not for the faint of heart.
I'm straightforward, don't ever expect me to sugarcoat it.
I'd rather tell you straight to your face than over the line.
That shit's fake.
With you, I feel more than involved.
With you, I feel like I'm free from the drought.
So tell me right now, please.
Can I open up to you?
Is it safe or not?
Can I tell you the truth?
Will you judge me for my past?
Will you judge me for my mistakes?
I've had bottled up emotions.
Anxiety, depression & ADHD.
They all blend after a while, it's kinda fucked up, ain't it? But shit, that's the tea.
The truth uncensored, waver me.
Shit's realer than the supposed hatred.
The hatred you think I have for you.
The one that curses at you.
The misgivings & missed chances, that's all we can do.
Remember the times we had together.
Feels like a while, but shit, that was years ago.
Years ago, time will flow, hair will grow.
But somehow, not me. No.
No, I haven't changed.
I haven't grown.
I'm still the same.
I'm still insane.
Sometimes, some days I look at myself, shit, what time do to my frame?
It's like a reminder our days our limited.
Stop losing them, they're intrepid.
What happened to all the them fake promises I made?
Where have they gone to, why are we not here, how far have we crossed to?
I tremble at the thought of the answers I might get so I stand still; muscles tense, ass tight, strained breath, the whole package.
As I wait for you to stand by and ask,
Can I open up to you?
Is it safe or not?
Can I tell you the truth?
Will you judge me for my past?
Will you judge me for my mistakes?
I feel stuck, that's where I'm at.
Stuck,
inside a loop.
a lucky shot.
within my mental.
a narrow spot.
too easy to pass down.
connects to the roots of my pain.
that's why i'm so hard to disdain.
there's a charm about me, you can't obtain.
i feel lucky, yet so unfortunate.
to feel this way, the way that i do.
alone in this, i know that to be true.
i have to face it, no more running away.
or else happiness will never be my place to say.
Stuck.
I hope I'm not too late to set my demons straight.
I know I made you wait.
But how much can you take?
I hope you see the good in me, I hope you can see.
And if it's up, stay down for me.
Please.
Can I open up to you?
Is it safe or not?
Can I tell you the truth?
Will you judge me for my past?
Will you judge me for my mistakes?
•••
"You feel that?"
Feel what?
