Happier

"all I ever wanted was to be wanted"

                                    CHAPTER 1

                          Noah's POV

Life.
I never understood what all the fuss was about.
Sure, yes, I had good times and I laughed a lot but don’t we all?
My life is a funny story.
My name is Noah, Noah Alive Simpson.
For someone whose name is Alive, I should really be happier but I am sad, a sad little nobody, a nerd, an awkward little dork, a depressed eighteen-year-old. Honestly if depressed people were paid, I would be richer than Elon Musk. And I always wondered why my life sucked, was it because I was a nerd, focused more on academics than making friends? Was it because I wore jeans which looked like those from the 80s? was it because I had curly hair- actually no, that was a stretch. Lorenzo Gray had curly hair and he was the most popular kid in school not only popular but very handsome, he was tall, had muscles, baseball team captain, had girls running after him, I mean he was everything a regular weirdo could wish to become and everything a girl could crave to kiss. Every guy aspired to be him except for me who instead of wanting to look like him or be him, I just wanted to date him.
Yeah, I know how that sounds not only because he was the hottest guy in school and I was the nobody but also, he was a guy and as far as I knew, he was straight, had there to be a chance he was gay, I am pretty sure he wouldn’t date me either even if I was the only boy left in Los Angeles. I sometimes thought I was exaggerating but whenever I took a glance of myself in the mirror, I hated myself more. So, what’s the price to pay when you’re gay, a nerd and a social awkward person? Yup, a lifetime of anxiety and depression… yay!

I was sitting at the last bench in biology class, sleepy and thinking about nothing except graduation day and how bad I was going to look, I was very good in class, I didn’t have to pay attention because when others would be partying and drinking booze, I would be busy reading college books that had nothing to do with my academic level. as much as I hated studying, I had to do it, otherwise what was I going to do with my life?

“did you see Soul Harper’s performance last night?” Melanie, the class tramp asked Stephanie, her best friend who was also a tramp. I hated them so much but for some reason every boy in my class was interested in them, I wasn’t much of a girl expert but I sure knew it was because of their physical appearances which meant nothing to me of course. But this time I had to lean over my desk to listen to their conversation.

“girl, everything was so good, I livestreamed the whole thing though, my dad wasn’t home to drive me to Florida.” Stephanie answered while she scrolled through her phone.

“my brother wanted to take me but it was just a drop off, I mean he was flying to Hawaii with his girlfriend in his private jet but they won’t be back until Saturday so I was supposed to fly commercial and you know how much I hate it.”

“let’s not mention, the third wheeling.” Stephanie let out a weird gasp and they laughed.

These girls were weird, I mean was any of what they were saying even true?

“Soul Harper kissed Jenny Willis on stage.” Melanie exclaimed.

“what?” Stephanie and I accidently yelled in shock at the same time.

My blood pressure rose, everyone was looking at me and by everyone, I meant the biology teacher too. I couldn’t breathe.

“Noah, I see you finally set your priorities straight.” He said.

“sir, it’s-”

“why don’t you stand up and share with the rest of the class what you were happily sharing with Melanie and Stephanie?”

I could see a devilish grin forming on his face, of course he was happy. I don’t think a lot of people understand but teachers really live boring lives, nothing happens in their lives except murmuring the same words over and over again for forty-five years. If it weren’t for misbehaving kids, I think they would kill themselves and as much as I would have loved to save my teacher’s life, I had to clap back, I wasn’t going down for these unworthy hoes – cause that’s what they were, hoes. I might have been so weird but the last thing I wanted was to be associated with these girls.

“sir, I don’t think you have the full picture here.” I tried to explain myself but he signaled me to keep quiet.

“I don’t care about any picture. Melanie care to share with the entire class what you little moppets were wobbling about?” the teacher asked again and by the look on his face everyone could tell that he was losing his patience, but why though? Why was he still stressing on this? How boring does his life has to be for him to force us to talk to him, cause that’s what he was doing, right? But at least the focus wasn’t on me any longer.

As the whole class waited for Melanie’s response, my mind diverted to Soul Harper, the legendary Soul Harper, the teenage superstar. He was a dream, he sang like an angel and he was hot like hell. He had blue eyes and white surfer hair which I used to believe he dyed but according to his publicist, it was a genetic thing. He was 5’11 and gosh…his body was everything, so fit and symmetrical, he was eighteen but his body was of a twenty-seven-year-old mafia boss from a book. He had tattoos all over his chest…god! He was perfect. if Shawn Mendes and Dominic Sherwood had a son, it would be Soul. He was popular not only for his looks but he was also a streaming giant, people all over listened to him, his album was even nominated for album of the year at the Grammys, 12 million Instagram followers, the most listened to male artist of the year on Spotify, I mean Soul Harper was a legend and here I was, a low life nobody, daydreaming about him.

The Class suddenly burst into uncontrolled laughter and I snapped back from Disneyland and everybody was looking at me, even the teacher was laughing, what had Melanie said? Why was everyone looking at me?
“get out of my class Noah.” The teacher said, his eyes empty and disappointed. He wasn’t my favorite teacher but as a nerd, teachers were my best friends, they were the only people who talked to me without looking like they’re trying. I sometimes felt like I was overreacting because nobody looked at me but that was it, nobody looked at me and those who did only wanted me to do their science projects and write essays for them.

“come on, you’re wasting my time.” He added.

I took a deep breath, stood up, grabbed my bag and left the class. On my way out, I heard people whispering to each other, I never heard people say my name as many times as they did when I was getting out and I thought I caught the word “faggot” somewhere around the middle seats where all of the jocks sat, I noticed Lorenzo Gray and Justin were missing, they never attended biology, I don’t even know why I was thinking about that.

I walked out of the class feeling very sad, why was I sad though? It was just biology class. Plus, even if I missed twenty classes in a row, I would still get an A. it was probably the “faggot”, I might have been eighteen and used to the fact that not everyone liked gay people but it always got to me you know? Why did people hate gay people though? What did we ever do? I wasn’t much of anyone’s favorite but when Lorenzo outed me, people sort of found a way to hate me more or maybe I was being delusional because nobody ever looked at me but honestly, I couldn’t blame them, what was there to look at? As I walked through the empty hallway, my eyes started to water. Fuck! I was being emotional again.  I took a turn and went to the restroom.

I crept slowly into the bathroom, why was I creeping though? It wasn’t like I was going to find some random jocks secretly making out. I closed the door smoothly and motioned towards the sink, all the restroom cabinets were opened except for one. I reached the sink and before I could open the tap to let the water flow, I heard a moan and froze. I was probably imagining things, I proceeded to open the tap and the moans got louder and I thought I heard a silent “fuck bruh.” What was going on? Should I go check? I waited for a second to listen if I could hear another voice…hopefully female but the voice never came but the moaning continued. Someone was probably just jerking off, I should give them their privacy but wait…was it Lorenzo? Why was I thinking about that? Why was I in the bathroom anyway? I turned to leave but then froze when I heard the person in the bathroom say “right there, yeah, right there, oh fuck!” my curiosity grew, whoever he was, he wasn’t alone but was it my business though? I had to go. Wait…if it happened to be Lorenzo in there wouldn’t he be with Justin? I chuckled to myself, people were right, I was weird. But if it was indeed Justin and Lorenzo, that I had to see. So I turned and tiptoed to the closed bathroom cabinet, the moaning was getting louder and louder, too loud cause I was getting a little hard myself, I brutally opened the door like someone who was coming to take a dump and to my surprise to my freaking fuckin surprise I witnessed something I thought I would never witness in my life; Lorenzo Gray leaned on the toilet wall, pants down, his hand grabbing the hair of Justin who was on his knees sucking Lorenzo’s dick.

I should’ve ran or yelled or just closed the door again but I just stood there and watched as Lorenzo’s gigantic penis coursed through Justin’s mouth…