No one but you ~ Cathan

Chapter 5

Nathan Aspinall's Point of View

16th November 2023

I entered the hotel room in annoyance. Chris had lost 10-8 against James Wade yesterday, and I lost 10-8 to Rob Cross just now. I sighed as I felt the arms of my boyfriend wrap them selves around my waist. He kissed me gently on the lips. I couldn't kiss back, I felt so weak, so powerless. He pulled away looking confused, yet shrugged it off and pulled me over to the bed. He playfully pushed me down on the bed with a grin on his face. I felt my breaths get deeper and shakier as he got on top of me. He leaned down and kissed me on the neck. I didn't really feel like any of this right, but I couldn't tell him that. I felt too weak to argue right now. I know all I need to do is tell him that I'm too tired, and he'd understand. But the issue is that I'm too tired to say that I'm too tired. I felt his hand slip in under my shirt as he kept kissing me. I weakly wrapped my arms around his neck. I let out a soft moan as I felt his tongue on my skin. Chris stopped instantly and pulled away. "Sorry." he said with a laugh. Just then he saw the expression on my face. "Nathan?" he asked with a worried tone and expression on his face. I didn't say a word, I just stared into his eyes. He got off me and hugged me tightly. In winced in pain as I felt my body get weaker. He flinched and pulled away quickly. It's not like I hadn't expected to feel like this. It's not the first time I've felt this way, it's happened around four times now- including this. "Nathan, are you okay?" my boyfriend asked looking and sounding worried for my well-being. I nodded weakly, even though I wasn't. It has returned. It hurts, and it bleed quite a bit. That's why I came home a bit later. I always feel numb when I cut. Why did I cut? I don't really know... I just feel so down. Maybe it's the thought of everything that's happened to Joe recently, maybe it's the fact that I'm losing everything at the moment, maybe both. The first time I cut was back when I was around 13 years old. I got bullied in school, that's the reason that I am how I am today. I'm trying to be nice to everyone, and be a bit more extroverted. So I'm not an introverted guy talking with no one. "Nathan?" Chris asked again, snapping me out of my trance. "Yeah, sorry. I'm fine." I lied. "I know you better than that Nathan, what's wrong?" he asked looking genuinley concerned for my well-being. "I... I'm just worried about Joe." I replied. "Still?" Chris said. He sighed and hugged me gently. "Yeah..." I replied. "Tell me if there's more to it then just that." Chris said. I mumbled a quicky 'yes'.