TBP ONESHOTS (ON HOLD)

letters

tw: suicide

To Finney,

I'm sorry, mi amor, if you're reading this I'm no longer here. But you should know that you were the one that kept me going. You were there for me at my lowest and made me get to my highest. I stayed because of you. Because I love you. And I always will, even if I'm not there to show you.

I didn't get the chance to say it to your face, because the bad thoughts took over. But I love you. I wish I could say it and kiss you right away, but I can't. I love you because you made me feel better, and you're such a pure soul. You don't deserve any bad things that happen to you. You're absolutely beautiful, your curls look amazing on you and you're just overall so fucking adorable.

I hope I see you again. I don't want our last tutor session to be the last time I see you. And when I see you I'll hug you so goddamn tight you'll never be able to let go. I wish I hugged you more. I wish I savoured the time I had with you.

I was in a bad state of mind when I did what I did. It was just too much. I couldn't handle it anymore and I needed it to stop. There was no way of making it go away. I'm sorry. Damn I'm so so so fucking sorry.

Don't be sad over me, though. I want you to live life to its fullest without me. You'll be better off without me. I'll always be with you, looking over you. Always and forever. Never forget me, mi corazón.

Love, Robin.
(p.s. i love you so so so fucking much)

The note was covered in blood. You could tell Robin got himself good. But it was now covered in tears, and the pen ink was spreading across the page. Finney let himself cry. He let himself cry for hours on end. And he never stopped crying for days. "If you loved me, why'd you leave me?" he choked between sobs.

-

Finney was invited to the funeral by Mrs. Arellano.

Robin was gone. His Robin was gone and he was never coming back. Finney thought it wasn't worth crying over if he wasn't here to hug Robin and be happy again, because he'd never be happy again.

When he saw the coffin lower into the ground, a tear slipped down his cheek. And that was when he broke. He covered his mouth with his hand and cried silently, watching his best friend's lifeless body in a coffin lower into the ground, for him to stay there forever. Finney's little sister Gwen gave him a tight side hug.

-

Two weeks after the funeral, Finney went to the Arellano house. And went to Robin's bedroom. The door creaked open slowly, and the bedroom suddenly lost its meaning when Finney stepped inside. It lost its brightness and now it was just a still life painting.

On the bed was a small cardboard box with Finn written on the front in bold black letters. Finney slowly made his way to the bed, reluctantly opening the box. Inside was a bunch of Robin's things that Finney was familiar with, and on the top was a letter. A second letter.

Dear Finn,

I want you to have what's in this box, so I'll be with you forever. You're probably wondering why this is all planned out. I mean, I'm Robin. I never have things planned out. With the letters, the box, and stuff.

It's because I've been wanting to do this for so goddamn long and I finally got to do it. Every time you came over for the past however many months it's been, this box has been hidden under my bed.

You kept me here, Finn. Ever since I met you you kept me alive. I would've been gone so much sooner if I never met you. You made my life from black and white to full colour, and I'm so grateful you did. Thank you.

Love, Robin.

Finney wanted to cry. He really did. But he didn't. He stared at the letter for a few moments after finishing it, before placing it on the bed and going through the contents of the box.

First he pulled out a box full of jewellery. It consisted of rings, bracelets and necklaces that Finney was familiar with.

Next was four of Robin's hoodies. Finney put one on and it still smelled like him. He put it up to his nose and smiled weakly when he smelled the familiar scent.

Then it was a few of Robin's favourite CDs. And then his childhood stuffed animal. And then his favourite blanket. And lastly his phone, with a note of the password inside the clear phonecase.

Finney put everything back in the box exactly the way it was, keeping the hoodie on and keeping the blanket out. He put the box on the floor and lied down on Robin's bed, cuddling himself up into the blanket.

"I miss you," he whispered. "And I love you too."

Finney swore he could feel something with him.