Sherlock: oneshots, preferences

Sherlock - I try to say goodbye

A/N: This is based on a song that's been stuck in my head for days lmao, it's "I try" by Macy Gray.

"I try to say goodbye and I choke

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, It's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near"

----------------------

You checked your wristwatch. 6:45 pm. Forty-five minutes. He was forty-five minutes late.

This was no news to you, since you got so used to him never ever being anywhere on schedule. But you talked to him about this. You told him how much it bothers you. You told him how important quality time is to you. And he still didn't seem to get it.

6:50 pm

You arrived at the restaurant even before schedule, so you two would get a nice table. But after waiting for 10 minutes you decided to get a table yourself and wait for him there. After another 10 minutes the waiters got uneasy that you were taking up space but not eating anything, so you had to order. And right now, you were finishing off your meal. Alone.

7:05 pm

You sighed. He wasn't gonna show. You knew it. You could feel it. It didn't surprise you, but it definitely bothered you. It was always like this. When he was on his cases nothing else mattered in the entire world. When he was in his mind palace no one was ever supposed to interrupt him. When he was with clients, he would give them all his attention. And what was left for you? Eating alone in a fancy restaurant.

7:15 pm

This is getting ridiculous, you thought to yourself as you paid the pill and put on your jacket.

All the way back to your apartment your thoughts were going wild. You were pissed and angry and could just strangle him. But you... loved him. Just the way he was. And you hated it. Oh how much you hated it. And how many times you thought of leaving, way too many to count, but you never did. You just never did. You tried convincing yourself it's the right thing to do, to find someone who'd try for you much harder and who'd always be there no matter what. Who wouldn't put his cases and work before your needs and would show up on time when you make plans.

You were on the verge of leaving him so many times. You tried walking away, saying goodbye but you could just never ever seem to shape out those words to him. Cause when you look at him, it all goes away. When he hugs you, when he holds you tight and falls asleep on your chest, all those worries, all his flaws disappear into thin air.

No - you thought - stop with the pleasant thoughts. He crossed the line this time and he's gonna pay for it. I'm done.

You felt ready, as many times before, to come up to him and say everything on your mind. As you have many times before. You felt strong enough to pack your things and put them by the door, as you have already done times before. And you felt ready enough to walk out that door and never come back. As you have never done before.

You were all wrapped up in your thoughts when you arrived at 221B, where you two lived together, when suddenly you bumped into someone on the entrance.

- Oh I'm sorry sir- but it took you a moment to realize who you accidentally crashed into.

- Y/N! - he said - I deeply apologize, for I did not forget our arrangement, just some things, really complicated things came in the way-

- As they always do, Sherlock - you sighed entering the building and making your way up the stairs.