Dead Man Walking || RICK GRIMES POV -SLOW UPDATES-

|7|

Refer to Ch. 19, 20, & 21

The morning brought no answers to Rick's plethora of questions, and if he stood still for too long, he would be plagued by them again. So, instead of dealing with the problem straight on, he busied himself, refusing to spare any thoughts over it. Luckily for him, he could find all sorts of tasks to do, such as delegating groups to search, dealing with his son stealing a gun, and somehow getting Lori to agree to weapons training for the boy and weapons training itself.

He had spent the majority of the morning relatively clear – not a single thought on his conflictions. Sure, he had a tiny hiccup when he basically forced June to stay back rather than search with Shane, but he quickly corrected himself, purposely shaking his head to push away his invading thoughts. Hell, even when he and Lori bickered about showing Carl how to shoot, he found himself keeping a clear head. Usually, at this point in the day, he would have a multitude of thoughts about their current situation and June, but not today. He was proud of this feat and determined to continue for the foreseeable future.

So, as he paced the line of people, watching their forms and correcting a few, he found the beginnings of these intrusive thoughts starting to slip into his head. It didn't help one bit as his eyes caught June as she helped Beth with her form. He sucked in a deep breath and forced his gaze away, continuing down the line before he stopped at Andrea, watching as she smugly grinned. He couldn't lie; she was their quickest learner and quickly becoming one of the best shots.

Shane approached her and handed his gun over, seeing if she could handle a heavier and more powerful weapon. Rick impressively nodded as Andrea hit her target – a simple bottle perched on a fence – and turned his gaze, his eyes landing on Shane and June. Shane had his arm slung around June's shoulders, but instead of watching Andrea, his eyes glued onto Rick.

Rick swallowed tightly and slowly approached, his ears picking up June's voice as she looked up and smiled at Shane.

"I say she's ready for the advanced class," June said, flashing Shane with her dazzling smile. "Moving Targets?"

Shane tore his gaze from Rick and looked down at June, giving her that smile Rick had seen a hundred times before when Shane was trying to pick up women. Rick's stomach turned, and he braced himself, a nasty feeling settling in the pit of his stomach. He found himself in front of the pair in a matter of seconds, his eyes flashing toward the arm across June's shoulder to his best friend, wondering what he was trying to do. Shane didn't particularly care for June the last he knew, so what changed? Or is he doing this to get a rise out of him? Trying to see how Rick will react to this sudden closeness between them?

"It might be worth your while after the rest of us head back to camp," Rick said, his eyes bouncing from June, Shane, and Shane's arm. This was enough to tumble his wall, finally allowing the flood of questions to plague him again. The main question that lingered was a new one: Why did he care?

~*~

After Rick opened the gate, he couldn't quell the intrusive thoughts. So, for the rest of the day, he did small tasks to try to busy himself. When Lori approached him after finding out Hershel expected them to leave, he found himself almost unable to really talk to her about the situation. He didn't want to add fuel to the ever-growing fire – at least not today. So, he determined that giving Hershel some space was the right thing to do, and even when Lori protested, he doubled down. He couldn't afford to act irrationally and under the influence of his wife, not when they were already on shaky grounds with the older man.

As he cleaned the guns, he found himself thinking over and over about everything since the world ended. It was a miracle that he had found his wife and son after waking up from his coma, and while he knew he should be happy about it all, he found himself more conflicted than ever. Sure, he and Lori had problems in their marriage before the world went to shit, but he never saw one of them betraying the other. That's what he felt like he was doing – betraying his wife. He was actively seeking June out, touching her, holding her hand, cuddling her; how could this not be a betrayal? How could this not be him breaking his vows to Lori? Sure, he and June weren't going behind Lori's back and having sex, but he was as good as emotionally cheating. How does that make him any better than someone who steps out and has sex with someone who isn't their spouse?