Queen of Desire

Illusion's Party Scene

The icy fog sweeps over the horizon as the sun starts to rise for the day. Cordelia stands in the gravel driveway, admiring the beautiful view of the sunrise over the horizon. The slight wind chill caresses her skin as she tries to rub the cold away from her body. She is just about to walk back inside the house when a silhouette appears out of her peripheral vision. Cordelia slowly turns toward the dark shadow to see who it is, but the fog is growing thicker by the minute. Swiftly she goes back inside the house and locks the door behind her. Sighing, she scans the empty living room realizing just how much she feels alone right now.

It has been eight months since someone else has lived here with me. Dark nights like this always makes me realize just how alone I am and eventually he always ends up crossing my mind. It has been eight months since the last time I have seen him. That night was one of the worst nights I have ever had in my life.

After a long day of work, she has arrived home only to find it completely dark and dreary looking. At first it did not alarm her that his truck was not in the driveway at the time because he usually would already be gone for work by the time she got home. Cordelia unlocked the front door to walk into the living room and stopped dead in her tracks. Something in the air that night felt really off as she turned the lights on in the house.

Hesitantly she went to the bedroom and carefully opened the door before switching the light on. To her utter and complete dismay, all of his stuff that had been lying around was completely gone. The whole time she just stood there frozen in disbelief. Cordelia just kept thinking why, why was this happening to her? When she was finally able to move, she ran to the closet hoping the nightmare would end. Instead, she ran into the walk-in closet to see his side completely cleared out and empty. As Cordelia continued to go through the whole house, it finally occurred to her that she was definitely not dreaming but was living in a real nightmare. The love of her life was gone and she had no idea if she would ever see him again.

That night haunted Cordelia for the next couple weeks. She did not go out with friends or leave her house a lot either. It took her awhile to come to the decision that they were actually growing apart and he leaving might actually have been a blessing in disguise. Sometimes it still hurts that he left her without so much as a word or did not really fight for them to stay together at the end. They had been together for years and were talking about taking the next step in their relationship, but everything happens for a reason. She came to realize that it is better not to dwell on the past, but to take what she was given and keep moving forward in life.

Finally after all this time she feels like herself once again. There are times that she feels like she misses him but the feeling is more like her wanting to not be alone and wanting that feeling of a relationship rather than actually missing him himself.

I am not sure what I want at this point, but I do know that bringing Gabriel back to the surface is something that would not benefit me at this time. It is better to just forget him and leave him in my past, where he belongs.

Recently, Cordelia has discovered a whole new side to herself that she has never really known she had before, her fun and carefree side. Lately she has been focusing more on herself and not worrying about any little issue that might cause stress to her life.

It is great to not worry about anything and focus more on enjoying my life to the fullest.

Cordelia's cell phone dings to interrupt her thinking. She grabs it off the kitchen counter to peek at the name and sighs.

Lately, an old friend has been hitting me up and wanting to get together but I am just not ready for anything serious. Last time we spoke, he mentioned wanting to be serious and date but personally that is just too much for me. I am not ready for a relationship, it is better to focus on myself for once in my life.