Entry Two March 29, 2013
I was folding clothes today when I had this revelation.
Here goes ........
I can't focus on this world and my actual life. I always get lost in my fantasied mystical lands. Switching things up. Maybe this is why I can't seem to build decent relationships with people. Cause I'm never here. It's. not like I don't want to. I really do it's just that...I don't know...I can't seem to stay in this world long enough to get to know people. Ya know. They tire of me.
I sit there watching my friends have fun and interact with people and express themselves so openly, they make it seem so natural and easy. But I just can't do it. So I make my own friends in my head. I can't see them and they don't have names but I know they're there or maybe not. I don't know nor do I care. Because I know I can talk to them about anything. Sometimes we fight, but I always win. I argue with them aloud so my mom thinks I'm crazy. She's probably right. Maybe that's why I don't talk to others as much, because my fragile self-esteem can't handle losing.
Why am I writing this down? I don't really know. Maybe cause no one cares what I think or if they do they're much to busy for little nobody me. But I'm not a nobody, I'm important or want to think I am. You know what.
I don't care!!!!!
I don't care!!!!!
I don't care!!!!!
Well I guess that's a lie because if I didn't care I wouldn't be writing this down, now would I? NO!
I'm so stupid, weird, ugly, fat, and lazy it's ridiculous. This looks odd on a computer. I've been thinking it for years. I'm so mean, I hurt people around me. And the strange thing is, it feels good sometimes. I have to stop myself before it gets really bad. I have these intense urges to do bad things. Sometimes in class I have to stop myself from jumping up and hurting someone or running out crying cause it scares me. I try so hard but one day I know I'm going to snap. Look, now I'm crying!
Great!!!!!!
What's wrong with me? I have what I need. A house, bed, food, books, a family that's still together. Why am I crying? There are people much worse off than me. I know why. Because I'm greedy and selfish. Well at least that's what my mind says. That doesn't mean it's true. My brain lies to me all the time. Why should I believe what it says? Because it's my brain, that's why. It is me and I am it.
Swagger wagon
Forget what I said. Just forget. I must do better.
A/N
Anyway so this is a really good example of my personality.
Please comment and vote. Even if you didn't like it tell me. Or just say hello. You swagger muffins! :)
