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NAOMI. Sat. 11:00am
I admired people who lived their lives in peace. Those who were able to do anything they desired without having the entire world in their business or camreas flashing in their faces 24/7. The happy people who had the opportunity to experience life normally - who lived their lives to the fullest without a care in the world.
They were the ones I envied; the ones I wanted to be.
SILENT NIGHT PLAYS softly throughout the confinement of my truck. I find myself sinking back into my seat as the melody overwhelms my mind, a sudden nerve-wracking feeling stirred in my abdomen.
Memories of my childhood flood in and, suddenly, I'm back at square one. My aunt would wake me up with this song every Christmas morning. I can still remember her questionable singing voice and her wonky dancing around my bed dressed in the ugliest sweater known to mankind. I wish I could go back in time and cherish the moments I had with her, but I couldn't. And I'd never get to experience those mornings again.
Exhaling, I pushed down the thoughts of my aunt and continued down the crowded icey roads. If she were here beside me she wouldn't have wanted me to be sad during her favorite time of the year. She'd want me to be happy and that's what I was going to do — or at least try to for her sake. Not like there was much to be happy about considering where I was headed.
Unfortunately, I was on my way back home to spend the holidays with my family; a family I haven't bothered speaking to in over five years. If my aunt hadn't passed away I would have gone a decade before I contacted them. But this year things were different. She was gone and I'd made her a promise.
In the heart of Atlanta lights were strung on nearly every corner, traffic was hectic, and small specs of snow fell from the sky. The main streets were active and as lively as I remembered them and with it being the start of December more and more people flooded in for the holiday.
As I neared my destination I started to feel sick, like I was going to throw up. The reality that I was about to be living in a hole began to settle in. I was about to be staying in an unfamiliar place with people who I shared blood with, but barely knew.
I wanted to turn around.
I wanted to leave.
I did not want to be here.
But it was too late. I'd driven all this way and turning back now would be pointless. I inhaled deeply, my heart pumping hard in my chest as I rounded into the dead end dirt road — a one way street that felt more like a torture pit disguised as a Christmas film set for a Hallmark movie.
After passing acres of greenery and trees the sight of a four-story brick mansion comes into vision. Pulling further into my families estate I can see multiple flashy cars lined perfectly beside each other on the circled driveway leaving nothing accept a curb for me to park against. I took my keys from the ignition and stared at the heavily decorated home in front of me. On the outside it seemed welcoming, but on the inside it was an entirely different story.
Leaning over, I grabbed my bags from the passenger seat and slung them over one of my shoulders before stepping out from the warmth of my truck, shivering as the bitter cold air hit me. Atl always manged to feel like a ice box. I quickly pulled the hood of my puffer over my head and continued up the pathway.
In front of two burgundy gold paneled doors, I stood in silence with adrenaline rushing through me. Every traumatizing thing in my childhood took place behind these walls and I was about to willingly relive it all. Peering over my shoulder, I took in my surroundings one last time before hesitantly raising my finger to the doorbell.
