The Bourbon Diaries ✢ The Vampire Diaries FanFiction ✢ TVD FanFic ✢ TVDU FanFic

Chapter Thirty-Eight - Zakariah Griffin

Present day

Border of NC and VA

Stef knocked back her first bourbon before Zakariah had even started his Civil War story. She'd finished her second by the time he got up to the dreaded part.

"...Of course, the assault took us completely by surprise and we had to restock the encampment. Damon and I were sent in one direction through the woods, and naturally we were extremely vigilant given the circumstances. Well, he was vigilant---I was distracted by the fine specimen of a man at my side. Then a gun fires, and to this day I have no idea if that gun came from soldiers or hunters, but your father, Stefanie---" Zakariah nudged her alongside the bar counter like she would want to hear this for the second time, "---he pulled me to the ground, cradling me like I was his greatest love." He pressed a hand to his heart and sighed at the memory.

"You do realize he was protecting you platonically, right?"

He waved a hand dismissively at her. "Oh, Stefanie, let a man dream, won't you? Your father was my first and greatest crush, and life would have been divine if only that man had liked cock."

"Erm, except I wouldn't be alive if he did," Stef sputtered.

"Well, now you're just giving me more reasons to wish your father was gay, dear." He patted her on the arm placatingly, like he hadn't just insulted her, then tutted under his breath, "These reality checks are spoiling a perfectly romantic story." He took a deep breath, ready to resume. "So, anyway, it turned out Damon fell in deer shit when he dove for cover. I know---mood killer---but there was a river nearby... I think you know what's coming... give you a hint, it was nearly me. He strips off to bathe in the river and I see everything! Everything! Every glorious inch of that man! I'm washing deer shit off his uniform bare-handed and still it's the most spectacular thing I'd ever witnessed---and still witness today. At this house, all I need to do is step outside the rear exit---joke of that as you will---take a long walk, and I can watch your father in all his glory all over again. I dare say I've seen your father's cock more times than your mother has, Stefanie."

"I dare say you have," Stef cringed, gripping her glass tightly. "But you were his friend and now you're a peeping tom. Have you ever considered how my dad might feel if he knew about this?"

"Oh, he knows," Gabe clarified reluctantly.

"He knows?!" Stef blurted.

"I do have morals, Stefanie," Zakariah defended.

"Your dad's been... making money from it," Gabe continued. "It's become somewhat of a pay-per-view service for Zakariah."

"Your father's cock has been funding your family vacations to Europe for some years now, Stefanie," Zakariah said to her expression of disgust. "Damie has been draining me in every possible way and it's worth every penny."

"Please don't call him 'Damie'," Stef implored.

Zakariah rolled his eyes. "You'd prefer another nickname? Because I have plenty. Damie, Da'moves, Da'master, Da'manhole, Da'main Dish, Da'money Maker, Da'monster Cock, Da'mock Ness Monster, Salvasnake, Salvawhore, Spankasore, Shallfapmore, Sir Vulva Tour, Baby Blue Balls---"

"Damon Sir Vulva Tour has my vote," Phoenix offered.

Stef held up her hand in a panic. "Damie is fine!"

Zakariah reached for the bottle of bourbon and filled up her glass. "If you believe that my attraction to your father is something he's only recently become aware of, it's not. He's known how I've felt about him for a good century. We lost touch just before his transition and, twenty years later, I found the man---or vampire as he was at the time---so starved of companionship that when I told him to turn me, he did it without hesitation. But he would not give up his obsession for that damn Katherine woman. A couple of decades of hearing him harp on and on about her, I got blind drunk, attempted to kiss him and confessed my feelings. He did not take my confession well and I took his rejection even harder. When I told him that my obsession for him was no different from his obsession for Katherine, he said the words, 'The difference is, Katherine loved me. I do not love you.' That was like a slap in the face. So, like everyone else in Damon's history, I ran, leaving him alone once more."