The Last Flying Lesson

It was the fourth year since the start of her education at Hogwarts. She's been chubby since her first year, as she felt extremely stressed and nervous before attending to Hogwarts. She went through a lot and it was very difficult for her to accept and keep living after everything what happened.

She found a solution in food, the delicious and tasty sweets that could help her to get away from all the depressing thoughts and loneliness that were haunting her all the time.

She didn't even notice how she lost a track and didn't pay attention to her condition at all. It was helping her, calming her, helping her to hold the tears that threatened to spill over every time she thought about her parents, and that was the most important thing for her, more important than her health.

She didn't even notice how she started to have troubles with walking and breathing. Every time people tried to bring her weight topic she got extremely angry and annoyed, she wouldn't even let people say a word about it.

It was one of the flying lessons, her most favourite ones. It was also a way for her forget about all her problems and the wounds in her soul. Yet, sometimes it was only worsening her situation when the atmosphere and wind were quiet and silent, letting the bad thoughts start poisoning her mind again.

She easily summoned her broom, being ready to show everyone her flying skills. She was very proud about it, and was indeed a very skilled flier. They couldn't have flying lessons for a while 'cause their teacher wasn't able to lead the lessons, and now they needed to keep up with the education programme.

She took a proper position, made sure her grip is strong enough and already imagined herself flying up in the air, when she noticed she was staying still on the ground. At first she thought that the problems was in the broom or something.

She tried again and now she couldn't last in the air longer than a few seconds. Suddenly she realized what the problem was. She noticed how others were staring at her and felt her hands trembling as she stood there, staring down at the ground.

She felt angry, stressed, extremely embarrassed and humiliated. She was angry at herself that she let herself go 'till the point where the broom can't bear her weight. She gave a quick glance to everyone at the field, some of the students already noticed her troubles and she felt like she wouldn't be able to hold her emotions anymore if she noticed even a small hint of a smile on someone's face.

It felt like a nightmare for her, the one she couldn't escape. Sha saw others laughing at her and whispering about her. Even though she couldn't hear what they were saying, she knew what the words were. It wasn't the first time someone was joking about her weight, calling her names and pointing their fingers at her.

She's been judged for her chubbiness since she was eighth. It was the age when she understood how cruel and ruthless people can be. She didn't want anything else than someone's support and affection after everything she had to go through in her childhood.

It's not like she had no friends when she was a child. She had "friends". She would never show them that she heard everything they whispered about her, every single joke and noticed every mocking glance. She wouldn't show that she knew she was nothing more than an ugly doll for them to laugh at.

When she attended to Hogwarts she tried to show her confidence and determination. Nobody would dare to laugh at the best, and Most Powerful Witch at Hogwarts. She was sure she would never hear a single laugh towards herself ever again.

And now everything was ruined. They laughed at her once again. They didn't even try to hide their laughing or speak quieter. She only noticed a compassion and concern on their teacher's face. But to the moment when Madam Hooch was clearly about to stop her students' cruel laugh Merula already couldn't hold herself anymore.

In fury, she threw her broom away, but in such a high power that she didn't even notice that it almost hit another student. She ran and ran down the long, stone corridors, felling the tears running down her cheeks. She didn't even tried to wipe them out, she didn't care how everyone looked at her anymore as she ran with the tearful eyes, sobbing uncontrollably.

She rushed in the bathroom, slapping the door behind her. The moment she stepped inside the room she helplessly fell on the cold, tile floor. There was nobody else inside, like it was every time she wanted to have someone's support and moral help. She screamed in anger, not being able to control her emotions anymore. She kept all her pain inside, she thought it would help her to forget, to feel better, that all that pain would disappear over time.

Now she didn't want anything anymore. She just wanted everything to end. She didn't care about not showing her vulnerability and weaknesses anymore. Everything and everyone she needed, loved, and cared for was taken away from her since she was a child.

She was trying to hide how lonely and unloved she felt all the time. She thought that pretending selfish and arrogant would make her more noticeable to others, that it would bring her attention, respect, and most importantly, fullfil her loneliness. But everything she got in the end were cruel comments and laughs.

Nobody looked through her appearance. Now as she managed to get up and look in the mirror she felt like she wants to tear that ugly, disgusting face off, if it was the reason why everyone treats her like this, despite everything she tries to do to change everyone's attitude towards her.

She grabbed her hair with such a force, like she was about to tear them off but she could only keep sobbing. She looked down at her body, at her round, chubby shape, big, fat stomach and wide, plumb legs. She hated herself, she felt disgusted by her own body, she would never be able to think anything better about herself after all the cruel comments she heard, all these mocking laughs and jokes.

She now believed them. Believed they were always right. She was a disgusting, ugly, fat pig nobody cared about. She will never be loved by anyone. Nobody needs her. They were telling the truth.

She took her wand, barely being able to see anything through her tears. She's always wondered what would happen if one used a killing spell on themselves. She didn't see any reasons to keep pretending anymore.

She pointed the wand at herself still watching her reflection in the mirror. Her hands were trembling, she tried to push every thought away. "Everything will end. I'll not feel anything." - she kept saying in her mind, trying to suppress the thought of how much she wants to live. She wants to live, to have someone by her side, she wanted people to understand that she was more than her appearance they considered disgusting and shameful. "It'll never happen." Nobody will ever understand.."

She didn't want to think about it any longer. In the very next moment, her lips parted slightly as she whispered her last words.

-Avada Kedavra.

If only someone could understand her, to show some compassion, some sympathy, and maybe, some affection and love. Maybe everything would be different for her. But instead of support she was always getting judged and joked about. Now she'll never be able to feel anything instead of constant pain and sorrow in her soul. Nobody will ever be able to see her bright, beautiful smile again. Nobody will be able to warm her broken heart and soul.