old fashioned • dj&ts

xvii. we're different

Knock after knock after knock after knock. Eddie say the band sitting on the round couch in Billy's bus, looking at him through the window of the door and chatting amongst each other. He wasn't going to stop until someone let him in.

"What?" Daisy asked, sticking her head out the slightly open door. He tried to pull the door open. "She's sleeping, you asshole."

"I want to see her," he said, still out of breath from the flights of stairs he ran down to get to the bus once he comprehended everything. "Daisy, please."

"Not now," she told him, stepping outside and closing the door behind her.

"I fucked up, Daisy."

She just stood there, letting him cry. After seeing Alexis cry, she didn't feel any guilt watching him.

"You're not the only reason this happened," Daisy did admit, hoping it would make everything a little bit better.

"I never got to apologize to her, you know?" He sniffled, putting his hands on his hips. "She had to write that stupid rehab shit when I never said a word to her. I want to take it all back, I want-" he paused, taking a deep breath.

"I need her to know how fucking sorry I am. I hated myself, and then I saw that she came back and-" he paused again, looking at the ground. "I thought I could just forget it all, but I can't."

He was being genuine, Daisy could see that. She didn't know how much his apology would be worth to Alexis, though.

"I'll talk to her when she wakes up," Daisy told him. "But I'm not going to make her talk to you. If she says no, you're done."

He just nodded, backing away from Daisy and then walking back into the hotel. Rod followed him, not wanting to pay another bill for room damages. When Daisy walked back onto the bus, she saw that Billy wasn't on the couch.

"I'm going to kick your ass," Billy said quietly, sitting on the edge of Alexis's bed. She was awake, but she turned away from him. She knew he was only joking, but she didn't want to hear it.

"Move," Daisy told him, sitting where he was once he got up. Instead of saying anything, Daisy just laid next to her on the small bed and combed her friend's hair with her fingers. "Can you come with me?"

"Where?" Alexis asked quietly.

"Inside. I'm going to get you some water and run you a shower," Daisy told her. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah," Alexis agreed, keeping her head down as Daisy walked her off of the bus and inside. Nicky followed them, getting set up in the room he was meant to share with Daisy while Daisy set up to stay with Alexis in the next room over. She made sure to pop her pills when Alexis wasn't looking and then started running the water. She turned around while Alexis undressed and then sat on the counter once the steam fogged the glass. She handed Alexis a towel and looked at her when she stepped out.

Daisy and Alexis didn't exactly have a normal friendship. They each had feeling for each other they never felt for anyone else. They never spoke about it, they just let the feelings live in them. That night was the first and only time they were ever truly acknowledged.

"You're beautiful," Daisy told her, running her fingers over the scars on Alexis's chest. "You deserve someone who will love you as much as I do."

In a moment of vulnerability, Alexis rested her forehead on Daisy's. When Daisy started to close the gap between them, she did nothing to stop her. She kissed her best friend and felt a sense of comfort wash over her as she did. The taste of cigarettes and champagne lingered on her lips as Daisy pulled away. She thought of Eddie, and how she used to feel when he kissed her the way Daisy just did. The feelings were similar, but they would never be the same.

"Are you thinking about him?" Daisy whispered. Alexis nodded. Daisy wasn't offended, but she knew what she had to say next. "You still love him."

The moment was gone, and would never be spoken about again. It would remain a secret, a special kind of intimacy that would stay between them. A bond that would never be broken; a promise that they would be there for each other. Always.

"I don't want to. I can't, I won't let myself get hurt again."

"Love doesn't have to hurt," Daisy told her, putting her hands on her arms. "Love can be beautiful if you let it be beautiful. The love we feel for each other is beautiful."

"We're different."

"Are we?" Daisy asked. Alexis didn't say anything. "If Eddie can make you feel the way I do, Alexis, that can be beautiful. You just have to stop running from it."

Daisy knew she would never be able to make Alexis feel this way, truly, so the best she can do is make sure someone else can. If that someone is Eddie, that's something Daisy will have to live with.

"Talk to him. For me," Daisy encouraged. "Get dressed, and go find him."

Alexis tried to argue, but Daisy practically pushed her out the door. When the door shut, Daisy pressed her back against it and started to cry. She felt about Alexis the same way she felt about Nicky and Billy. It was an overwhelming feeling, one that she knew she wasn't meant to feel. All she could do now was forget about it, so she did.