Gracie Freaking Hall

Itzel

We piled into the car and headed toward the small house in the countryside. Sydney's parents were local farmers and most people got their products from them, so she didn't grow up poor but she wasn't rich either. I sat in the back seat and looked out the window. It had been a long time since I saw the familiar town, the town that had driven me away. Even now, I can see the familiar house that stood in the middle of my familiar street. I see the black Nissan outside and know that my parents are home. I find myself scrunching down in the seat and holding my breath as we pass by it, hoping my reaction goes unnoticed by them but of course, the main bitch herself is already opening her mouth to say something.

"They don't know you escaped your eternal torment?" she says with her wide twisted smile and eyes on me through the rearview mirror.

I sit up straighter as we pass by the brown house and look at her. "Eyes on the road,'' I tell her. Then add, "and it's not a torment. I went because-" how could I end the sentence? I wanted to? No, I didn't want that, but it was what I needed to do. People assumed that I was super religious or became a nun because I thought it was my calling, but I did it for the guilt everyone around me made me feel. These mainly included my parents. How could one disobey their parents even if they were the main ones keeping you in what felt like eternal damnation? They made sure you knew what you were guilty of and how you would never amount to anything. Breaking free was hard, so hard, I never fully did.

"You're repenting. We know," she finishes but I don't offer a reply anymore. It was pointless. So I focus on the changing scenery before us. The landscapes of green grass and as the houses go from plenty to single ones with a distance between them. We had made it to the countryside.

Itzel was 12 when she first understood she wasn't what others considered "normal." For starters, she liked girls. This was frowned upon, especially in her small community of God-fearing religious worshipers. She was also 12 when she first realized those same people who preached about right and wrong were just a bunch of hypocrites basking in the light of superiority and wanted to look down on those who didn't live like them.

How did she come to know this?

Well, for starters, she found the porno playing on her dad's phone accidentally. Itzel stared at the scene unfolding before her with wide fearful eyes, a hammering heart, and a mouth wide open with a mixture of shock and disgust but intrigue. It wasn't the typical guy fucking a girl but two girls fingering each other. Itzel watched, mesmerized by how the two girls seemed to enjoy what they were doing.

Itzel looked away with a gasp but knew the video was still playing. Her eyes couldn't help wondering back to the screen and watching as one of them got on top of the other and ran her lips all the way down to her breast before sucking on it. Itzel's eyes widened at the action and a small gasp escaped her. She couldn't help but admire how beautiful they both were and couldn't help her feelings as she pictured herself kissing another girl. The thought alone brought tingles to her whole body, so she quickly turned off the screen and never looked back.

Good girls, good Catholics, and good people were not supposed to watch things like that nor were they supposed to go against the will of God. If her family or anyone ever found out, it would lead to so many problems like being disowned and on her own. Although it was on her dad's phone, she knew it wouldn't bode well for her. Who would believe her? Who would care? She would be the sinner. She was the sinner.

That day, she went to the temple by herself and prayed, swearing she would never tell anyone, and promised she would never give into the temptation of a sin.

Yet, you can't help the way you are wired anymore than a lion can't help hunting a weaker species. It was in their nature and you can't change nature. I, on the other hand, didn't need a porno to know I was bisexual. In the end, I just needed Brianna and not because I was in love with her. Just like Itzel, we both admired how hot she was but weren't in love with her. Instead, she had brought me to Itzel. Someone who understood me in a different way than others could not.