King of my heart

part 12- Forever?

"Mhm... what time is it?" I hear my voice pronouncing these words. The sheets of the bed aren't comfortable as usual, it's the infirmary's bed in the school. I've never liked this place and now I'm even more convinced. Nate's coming nearer with a relieved look watching me confused and sulky. I'm scratching my head trying to figure out what's going on while Nate puts his arms around me and looks worried, it's strange he always seems so unfazed.
"Hi you look good. I brought you here after you fainted...uhm sorry." He sighs in my ear seeming terribly uncomfortable and embarrassed. Why is he embarrassed to talk to me? Look what I've done. Our majestic relation ruined by my ego and my will to be unsurpassable and always right.
A horrible defect and why can't I change it?
"Well, I see you're good so I'm leaving. Get well soon." He says leaving the infirmary.
"Nate! Can you call my mother for me? Please!" I affirm and ask Nate. It's just an excuse to spend more time with him, even in this conditions.

Nate rolls his eyes trying not to believe what I was asking him. I know that it is difficult for him to accept that he is in love and that the fear of becoming like his father overwhelms him. But his heart is good deep down, full of purity...
God how much I love him, he wants to avoid being with me too much, he doesn't want to be hurt again and it breaks my heart and my breath to see him like this, and it's my fault. I feel like crap in this infirmary bed, nothing could be worse. Maybe he would prefer that there was only physical attraction between us like with his exes, but I don't want that, I want more from him. I want everything from his soul, I want everything with him and for him. I'm just trying to spend more time with him to let him know how much I miss him and how sorry I feel for what I've done.

"Your mother is actually out there" Nate tells me looking out of the room at Brooke and the other cheerleaders staring, so he closes the door.
"It's better if I leave you alone with your parents. They were already coming into town to visit you and then...this happened, so they're here" he says without hesitation.
"Nate don't. Just don't. Stay with me I-I can't spend another day more without you in my life. You can't even imagine how sorry I am." I try to tell him with the voice breaking in my heart and my breath. The tears covering my face all up and down. I try to cover them with my hand on my face. I turn away so as not to meet Nate's eyes, it would hurt too much. It would kill me, it would tear my heart apart, leaving only the traces of the parts broken by his so destroyed gaze.
"Rachel stop. We just can't be together, we live in the same house and come from two completely different worlds and it is just not right for our families. Trust me, this breaks my heart." No, now I don't trust him anymore. How can he act so fucking calm telling these things to me?
"Nate you don't love me if you tell me those things. Is there something you have to tell him or are you just insensitive like this?" I cry and cry.
Argh why does it have to hurt that much?
He comes nearer and caresses my cheeks observing my world through my pupils. My heart beats, my life beats for him. I feel my eyes shine in the presence of its light. His cold hands gently touch my cheeks and suddenly he presses a kiss on my lips. Warm and sweet. Powerful but also liberating. Everything I was burning.
"Now leave me alone. We're not meant for each other despite my love for you." He ruins the mood like that. And he goes away. Forever?

After a lot of cries and after having met my parents who I had missed more than possible, the nurse tells me that they will discharge me tomorrow and that I am very weak. Apparently this fainting was caused by a headache, which in turn was attributed to too much stress and pressure. They also told me that I most likely have a phobia called "Atelophobia" or the fear of imperfection. It was deduced from all my tests... in fact I am the best in school and I am always loaded with work but this is because I don't want to fail at anything. It's just one of the most important, reliable and at the same time authoritative parts of me, I've always been like this... However, they advised me to stay calm and quiet for a fairly short period. I don't have to make efforts or think about too complex topics because it could compromise my health.

This was absolutely unnecessary now that I'm in a nervous and psychological crisis and the meeting with Nate today certainly didn't help. He, his shoulders and his charismatic and reassuring but also grumpy and mysterious attitude disturb me. Rightly I can't think for too long correct? Did it have to happen right now? We also know that all evil does not come with a silver lining so maybe Nate will help me in these days of dark loneliness. I'm already thinking more than I should. My head's hurting but... Brooke!
"Hey Brooke how's life?" I say greeting her, making her understand that my desire to converse is zero.
"Funny... you are the one that should tell me what's going on. How did it happen?" and after her question I tell her everything the nurse told me. The phobia, the hard headache I've had...you know.
"Oh gosh I'm so sorry for you. When they'll discharge you from hospital (I've already talked with Carol) you can come to my house for a sleepover! Not immediately obviously, I'm already crazy to ask you this in a hospital bed, but yes it would be a good idea. Also because I have some news between me and Hardin and not all of them are so good. What about Nate?" Carol is my mother. Brooke always finds a way to celebrate! Well, thank goodness she's here otherwise my life would always have been a mess. I hope he doesn't make me think too much of Nate otherwise I might faint again and I don't think that's the case. Brooke is looking at me particularly curious so I should give her all the news I have about player 23.
"Oh gosh I'm already confused by all the information you gave me. However with Nate... he came first. He's devastated, he can't even look me in the face. He told me to leave him alone. Forever. Now I'm afraid I'm more broken than him, you know..." she looks at me really sadly and I understand how she feels. I'm always sad when she is too. We are just like one person. We have always been together since birth.
"Brooke I'm really sorry but I would like to sleep now..." I tell her and then she nods. She lies down in the infirmary bed next to me. She hugs me and kisses me on the head looking at me as if to tell me that everything will be fine and we sleep. Between dreams and false lightheartedness.