Star Wars One-Shots

Pain and Suffering.

Blame Ahsoka-Ashla-Tano For this mess (sorry, Ashla, still love ya). She asked for it.

Please take none of this seriously. This is all satire.

This is the Crack-Fic one-shot of all Crack-Fic one-shots. You probably can't get worse than this. Try if you want to. Idrc.

Featuring the one and only Sharon the Karen.

For more information, see the third chapter of  "Meet My OCs"

The following one-shot contains violence and somewhat mild to no gore. Viewer discretion is advised.

Sharon the Karen, or mostly just Sharon, was far from being the average clone. Clones weren't supposed to be Force Sensitive, have wings, or already start balding. But he accepted his differences. Because it made him unique. And special.

And Sharon liked being special. Apparently so did his girlfriend, Senator Padmé Amidala, who was already in a secret marriage with a Jedi named Anakin Skywalker. But what was one more secret?

If Skywalker ever found out, he'd deal with him by murd- by politely explaining why he is the better person for Padmé. He was too good for murder.

So good that the kaminoan actually decided to keep him instead of decommissioning him.

Sharon mildly disliked Kamino. He didn't like the way the water felt on his wings and since Kamino was constantly raining his wings were almost always wet. And the Kaminoan hallways weren't big enough to allow him to stretch his wings either.

Right now, he was late for a meeting with Padmé. He had to "deal" with a bunch of unruly cadets before hand. Luckily his rainbow colored saber didn't leave much blood.

Scaron entered the dark maintenance closet. Thinking about it, the closet was a good place for murder and hiding a body; it was sound proof and the smell of chemicals blocked any other stench.

"Hello, love." Greeted Padmé warmly as he turned on the holo. Sharon smiled in response. His girlfriend was so... beautiful. The holo didn't do her nearly enough justice.

"Hello there," he greeted, "sorry I'm late."

Padmé giggled, "oh, you don't need to apologize. I know things have been busy for you recently and there is nothing you could do to upset me."

"Even murdering cadets?" He muttered.

Padmé looked at him for a moment, as if trying to confirm what she had just heard was true, "What?"

"What?"

"Nevermind." Padmé shrugged. "Anakin came by today. He still has no clue. Even thinks the baby is his."

A/N this feels like a fever dream help

Sharon put his hands on his hips, "well, let me know if he ever does find out. I'll make sure you and the baby are safe."

Suddenly, Padmé looked startled. "What is it, my love?" He asked.

Padmé audibly sighed. "It's Anakin. He's trying to call too."

"Well, talk to him then. It might be a little suspicious if you don't answer and he knows you have no senatorial duties today," he warned. As much as he wanted to stay on the call, he knew he had to let her go to maintain secrecy.

He watched as the holo faded and the room was once again engulfed in darkness.

"KRIFF!" he shouted as a clone in shiny white armor, though he didn't really look like a shiny with his shaved head and aurebesh 5 on his forehead, entered the maintenance closet with him.

"Shshsh!" The clone reached out to grab him, in which he defensively drew his lightsaber and effectively cut his assailant in half. Good thing the maintenance closet was a good place to hide bodies.

"Oopsie Daisy."

"I... I don't understand..." weakly breathed the clone.

Sharon knelt down to the dying clone, "you don't have to," he steadily placed a hand over the two halves and called upon the force.

Let it flow through him.

And then, the clone was healed. But instead of thanks, the clone laughed humorlessly. "This day just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Well, what're you gonna do? Turn me into the Kaminoans?"

Sharon gave him a puzzled look, "why would I?"

"Ah, nevermind, gotta go-" and then the clone ran off and Sharon never saw him again.

_____________________

The trip to Coruscant was a long one. If only i could teleport, he thought, then he immediately teleported. Right outside the chancellor's office. Right where he needed to be. He would get revenge for the death of the clone with the 5 tattoo. Force visions were no joke.

"I want to speak to your manager," he said very seriously to one of the guards.

"You can't, the chancel-"

The guard "mysteriously" suffocated and died. Strange.

He entered the Chancellor's office, lightsaber drawn, gloriously shining in a display of the rainbow.

"Time to die." He spread his wings as a form of intimidation.

"I know that you are a Sith Lord. And normally I don't do murder, but this time I believe it's justified."

The chancellor laughed evilly, "be careful not to overestimate your abilities, young Karen."

Sharon rolled his eyes and threw his saber, successfully chopping the Chancellor's head off, which also rolled.

"That's Sharon the Karen to you, my good sir." He said distastefully.

And then he left, satisfied with what he'd done.

Fin.

This made me rethink and reconsider my life decisions.

Lovely meme also by Ahsoka-Ashla-Tano