UNNOTICED LOVE❤

grief

          Prakriti Purnima

I don't remember much, how i left his house. May be due to my overwhelmed emotional state. I think that little girl said she likes me and want to become like me when grow up. I hurriedly walk out without even saying proper goodbye to that little soul, another act of mine which defines who i am the evil person who  deserve nothing good. Did he tried to stop me or talk to me why does it even matter now. Everything feels  blur except the fact that l lost something precious

I look at my  House all empty and lifeless through my tear filled eyes. Once it was a home decorated with laughter of my family, where i lived with my maa baba. Now it is a house  of bricks decorated with expensive materials, here all i do is survive.

As i enter my room, i goes bathroom to  wash my face. These stupid tears doesn't stop falling. I try to wash them out but it's not working. I cries out even more. I hate that man than why i couldn't stop thinking about him. Why! why my heart heavy thinking of him with someone else. Everything feels so tangled. The man i have always tolerated feels so important, so close to me but distant as well now. There is this emptiness i am feeling which can't be describe.

Whenever i close my eyes, every memory of times we have spent together get resurface in my mind. Raghav never leave a chance to tease me or compete with me. We argue like there nothing else matter. When i first saw him we were 22, he looked so innocent in all formal but handsome as ever. he was the unexpected members of the team i had formed to rebuild my father's company. But soon he became the gem. He always had a plan to impress every invester. Soon he become everyones favorite. I never liked his way, thought it's too much mind game playing thus we had countless disagreements but there was this invisible thread which always have pulled us together. I didn't realise in this journey our when i get this much attached to him. I don't know what is this i am feeling for him but there is feeling which I know for sure. I never knew i am able to feel anything for anyone after my parent's death but today i realise i feel for him and it is getting too much. I should have known better than getting attach and get hurt all over again.

'Beep! beep!' my phone made a ringing sound, another message from narath. I am working from home today and he is sending me all required documents in email. He has asked countless question about my health since it's the first time i am attending office. I just couldn't bring myself to go office. I was never a person who run away but this once i need time, time to hold myself together before i face him. I'm not sure why i am avoiding him. Maybe facing him would make me realise more about the loss, the emptiness inside me.

From four hours now, i have been trying to make blueprint of school but i am not able to do it. Every idea i want to represent is not able come in practicality. I can't do this anymore.

I heard the door knock. I goes to open the door, my breath got stuck as i look at him. The shade of brown that i didn't wanted to encounter is standing before me at my doorstep and stupidest part think it's care for me that i am seeing in his eyes. We are staring into into each other's eyes without blinking as like we want to prove something to each other.

"Why" It's the first word that come out of my mouth. I broke the eye contact blinking as i try to look at anything except his hallucinating eyes.
"I got to know you are not feeling well so i came here too see you"He says softly and my irrational self think that's worry for me in his voice but i am smart enough to know it is his another way to mock me.
" You saw me, now goodbye." I try to close the door since as much as less time i spend in his company, less difficult will be to control these stupid feelings.
"Wait, i brought food for you" He says aand block the door with his one hand before i can close it fully. I notice the Lunchbox in his other hand.
"There is no need of it; I'm not hungry." Before i can fully turn down his offer, my tummy make a pleading sound which he obviously heard it. My cheeks turn crimson with embarrassment and a playful smile appear on his face this highlights his dimples so beautifully.
"Sweety has fried some chips for you. She likes them, thought you will also like it." There is something about this man's manipulative magic, no one says no to this basterd.
I give him space to enter and  i Instantly become conscious of my apartment. There is nothing present here i can call homely. My yesterday's clothes are spread here and there and all my essential are out of place since i felt to tired to arrange them.

"You should get freshen up untill than i serve for you." He says and this made me realise how ugly i must be looking with all dishevel state of mine. I look at my image on mirror this makes clarity within me as i remember his wife's picture, she was beautiful with all milky skin and big eyes all even unlike mine dark circles decorating my eyes and uneven tone. My insecurity takes it's height. I can't let it happen, i have protected myself for so year and i am different now, that stupid girl no more present now.
I walk to him while keeping unleash tears in eyes.

He has cleaned my room and arranged all the essentials that can be done in that time. He also has set the table with food, it looks freshly home cooked. Is this how he do chores for his wife. Is he shows same efficiency in cooking as closing deals. He gestures me to sit and i comply without objections. This is my downfall and i am willingly moving towards it. His eyes soft simmilar to the way he looks at his daughter.

"When was the last time you ate? " He asks as he sat infront of me taking a spoonful of khichdi keeping it close to my mouth for me to eat. My eyes bore  into his as much his into mine. Infinite emotions resurface into me, does he feel this when look at her.

"Why does it matter to you?" A question to his question, silly move but i can't help. He makes me do silly his presence. I haven't eaten anything in two days except the sandwich of yesterday's lunch. I work on caffeine mostly. My general food is usually brought by narath.

"It matters, you have always mattered to me." His eyes shows sincerity, like how much it hurts him. I take the bite and he continue "You don't understand, do you? How much it affect to me,  your health, your protection and everything related to you. Last night you walked out of my door without proper reasoning and this morning i found out you are sick. It all affect me prakriti to the level you are not understanding." I felt fearful but in the way it felt secured and satisfied. He sounds dangerous but in a way which tempts me do things which i will regret badly.

"Your wife will not like it, you saying such things to other women" I give the reminder, it's for him or myself i don't know but i try. Confusion flashes all over him as i don't make any sense to him. Whatever game he must be playing, i refuse to be part of anything which hurts any woman.

He studies me for a while than a chuckle escape him. He make another bite and make me eat, his eyes doesn't leave mine. "Can you explain me Ms purnima how does you know the non existing person's likes and dislikes." His tone playful,
"Don't lie, yesterday itself you said you have a daughter and i have seen your family photo too." I said frustrated with his behavior and all these feeling in me.
"Yes i said that i have a daughter which is true, you met her yesterday but i never said i have a wife and Before you assume me a widower or a divorcee let me clear you i am neither of it." He said dramatically and confusion flashes on me before i could put the pieces together he explains while making another bite "i have adopted Sweety. On legal paper i have given names of my parents as a single man is not allowed to adopt."