Saving Wishes

Saving Wishes Part 12

26. La La Land

If Adam thought it odd that I called him at six in the morning he didn't let on. Nor did he question me when I told him that I needed to see him. I don't know what made me suggest meeting at the lookout on the cliff. We hadn't been there since the day after we'd first met.

He borrowed Gabrielle's car. I took mine, never suggesting that we go there together. He never questioned that, either.

Nothing about the view from the top of the cliffs ever changed. Even the weather remained the same. Cold blustery winds that sting your face and freeze your hands the second you get out of the car are constant. The only thing that had changed since the last time was us. We no longer sat at opposite ends of the rickety wooden seat, cautiously trying to figure each other out. We sat together, bound by something neither of us had ever really managed to understand.

"What are you thinking, Charlotte?" Adam's eyes were locked ahead, fixed on the angry ocean below us.

I tightened my grip on his hand, sucked in a breath and prepared to let go of everything.

"Going to New York would be a mistake for me, Adam. It would be a mistake for both of us. I don't belong there." I wanted to sound strong but my tone smacked of indecision.

"Would you like to tell me why?" he asked seriously.

I pulled my hand free. "This isn't your real life. Your life before me was exactly as it should have been."

"I'll happily make room for you in my real life," he said, forcing a smile.

"I don't want you to. It won't work," I said coldly, watching his expression crumple. "You have everything worked out. You've always known who you are and what you want. I don't know anything."

His frown intensified into a scowl and he focused back on the ocean. "Perhaps it seems that way because until a week ago, you didn't know where you'd come from. Your father has to own that one. Seventeen years of angst and guilt and displacement could have been avoided if he'd just been truthful."

It was the first time Adam or anyone had ever referred to Alex as my dad. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Perhaps that was the crux of my problem. I might have been far less complicated if I'd known the truth from the beginning.

"Please don't bring Alex into this."

"I know he's been in your ear, Charli," he replied.

Annoyed with the direction the conversation was headed, I stood up, unsure of my next move. Adam made it for me, grabbing my hand and pulling me back down.

"Alex has nothing to do with this," I insisted. "I'm trying to tell you that – "

"You're trying to run away," he interrupted. "I know we have some figuring out to do, but I'll do whatever it takes to make sure you're happy in New York. And if I can't, then we'll work something else out."

He made it sound simple, but I couldn't swallow away the lump in my throat. There was no way I could let him change anything about his life for me. I wasn't a safe bet at the best of times. Gambling his whole future on me was the riskiest long shot ever.

"It's not enough," I said grimly. I made no attempt to stem the tears down my cheeks. I deserved to feel woeful.

"Tell me why," he demanded.

"It'll never work, Adam. Eventually I will make you miserable and all the little quirks you find so endearing now will drive you crazy."

"Charlotte – "